Vol 11. Edition 4
News from CannaTown
Page 11
ONLY ONE HEAD GARDENER
Robbie. Robbie Jackson! Robbie doesn’t trust solar because it literally means we can’t use useful things at nighty-night." Chump has even em- braced the rumors that he has the most unimaginable hunger ever, telling sup- porters, " ey're the best munchies you can get." However, Chump's main Le : Attendees join Chump in a rousing singalong of " e Lumberjack Song". Below: Lindsay Graham's opening act.
late. “Everybody knows hes a brick," said one pollster. " e writing's on the wall.” Undecided voters say the ambiguous compe- tence makes them wonder whether Van Dankle is capable for being at the helm of a mite war, should it come to that. But he hasn't been able to answer even basic questions like his name or what day it is, or where he is, due to the general unconsciousness. e Sativaclans & Darnell Chump - Mean- while, Sativaclans are trying to mollify their paranoid, deranged, angry candidate who had way too much Golden Goat and aims to take a wrecking ball to the City Council oce. “He toked too hard,” said his former assis- tant," Miles Longer. "He's out of control." Chump has made news almost daily for the past couple weeks with wild theories about electric planes, dodo birds and faucets dripping groovy waves like a Beatles cartoon. He told followers at the convention today that he was injecting pure Pop Rocks (“because they rock”) into his blood to stave o syphilis that he got while constructing a fence on his huge ranch. “I don’t even own a ranch, but I once broke a horse’s back. at’s a true story," Chump said. "His name was
issue, other than reportedly stinking like ganj, is anger management. He plans to burn all books that don't have pictures, and bomb a few towns. If given the opportunity, he intends to outlaw vegetables, poor people, orcas, nano- technology, and criticism of Darnell Chump. Undecided voters say the impulsive, unpre- dictable behavior means he’d be capable of starting nuclear asco for the hell of it, which would be absolutely bad for the city's cannabis. " ankfully this is just for a head gardener job," said an anonymous volunteer. "God forbid any of these candidates would actually be in the running for leader of the free world."
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