WINNER SpaceX ASTRONAUTS LOSER EVERYONE LEFT BEHIND ON EARTH
WINNER HIGH SCHOOL GEEKS Didn’t have a life anyway and got an “I’m at school” excuse to never leave their bedrooms. LOSER HIGH SCHOOL JOCKS Hard to virtually stuff a freshman into his locker.
WINNER DUMBWEDDING PRESENTS All those never-used bread machines we were so happy to find in the attic. LOSER OURWAISTLINES
WINNER DOGS A dozen daily walks? “Arf!!!”
LOSER CATS Social-distancing
skills pushed to the limit with everyone at home.
WINNER JEFF BEZOS The Amazon CEO has seen his fortune boom as deliveries soar, with predictions of Bezos becoming the world’s first trillionaire in a few years. LOSER JEFF BEZOS Regulators in Washington, D.C. have another arrow in their quiver for potential antitrust breakup actions. WINNER FACIAL HAIR Men everywhere are embracing the no-shave look. LOSER THEWIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS WHO HAVE TO KISS THEM
24
June 2020
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