Another way to make yoga more macho is to do “Armed Yoga” where you assume all the traditional classic yoga poses but do so while cradling a .223 caliber AR- 15 semiautomatic rifle. I suggest that it be unloaded if you’re a yoga beginner. Sampling each of them, you’ll find their flavor is terrible. What I’ve been doing is mixing them together randomly, which makes their flavor... much worse. potations, most of them unopened – Curaçao, Cointreau, Grand Marnier, Anisette, Crème de Menthe, Chartreuse, Bénédictine, Drambuie, Frangelico, Sambuca, Tia Maria... These beverage bizzarities are there as the result of Christmas gifts from oddball co- workers, ill-considered hostess presents from uninvited house guests, and cleaning out your parents’ apartment after they moved to the retirement home. So here’s my secret to moderation in times of COVID-19... These gag-a-cat cocktails pack the same bunch as Johnny Walker Blue Label... But they taste so bad that you’ll drink a lot less of them.
Kurt Vonnegut’s Cat’s Cradle – Everybody dies at the end. The Book of Revelation in the Bible – Everybody dies in the end unless they’ve been very, very good. And we haven’t. I’ve let my wife cajole me into doing yoga. To make this less embarrassing – and because my “Mountain Pose” was more like a “Molehill Pose” – I’ve been renaming the yoga poses. So far I’ve changed “Cobra Pose” to “Run Over by a Car Pose,” “Child’s Pose” to “Peevish Brat Pose,” “Warrior Pose” to “Tear-Gassed Fleeing Protestor Pose,” “Corpse Pose” to “Snoring on the Yoga Mat Pose,” and let’s not even go there with “Downward Doggy-Style Pose.” Another way to make yoga more macho is to do “Armed Yoga” where you assume all the traditional classic yoga poses but do so while cradling a .223 caliber AR-15 semiautomatic rifle. I suggest that it be unloaded if you’re a yoga beginner. Like golf, yoga demands a cocktail afterward. Actually, during this pandemic, everything demands a drink afterward, starting with getting out of bed in the morning. However, I’m trying to keep that drinking under control. And I think I’ve found a way to do it. It’s called “Drinking From the Depths of the Liquor Cabinet.” What you do is you put aside your fine scotch, aged bourbon, good gin, and expensive vodka (assuming there’s anything left in the bottles), and peer into the very back of your liquor cabinet shelves. There you will find all sorts of strange and outlandish
American Consequences
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