Around three PM on that Sunday I felt a huge cold draft sweep my feet. It came from the kitchen. I thought someone had opened the back door. I went to check but it was shut and there was no sign. I was later to find out that it was the time my mother-in-law passed away. Just one hour later holding his wife’s hand my father-in-law passed away, and we feel, to be with her. We knew this was bad. Sad and bad but there was something about them being together that somehow made it the right thing. A miracle but fucking ridiculous at the same time. They went together as they had been in life. Lovers; lifelong friends; everything to each other. The weeks following were shock; wine; sadness; wine; stress and family feuds. We all pulled together and I began to wonder what it was I was running from, whether having my husband holding my hand at my bedside when I am old was something I wanted. Whether all that I had previously had in my mind about the life I wasted was actually an illusion. That I was where I was meant to be right then. Over the months and years, something changed. Something shifted and through the grief and beyond the despair, I knew I could not leave. I knew I did not want to leave . I needed to keep my family together. Loved and together. It’s hard to imagine now the desperation I felt back then but it was pure desperation. Desperation to escape and run away from it all. Fast forward to today, I sit in my in-laws' house that we have recently bought and lovingly renovated and it couldn’t be further away from that sad Christmas. The Christmas when my family was falling apart at the seams. Devastation. As we sit, happy and healthy with everything to look forward to. Financial independence; debt free; my new life coaching business and more importantly my children happy and laughing I remain grateful for the miracle of life and the loss of my in-laws. I do not celebrate losing them but I am also all too aware that the message and legacy they left was one that will not leave any of us. Especially me. Thanks to them, my family remains happy and I am forever grateful for the message their time on earth brought . I feel their presence. I laugh when I do something to the house and know they would be shaking their heads saying ‘how much???’ and I delight and give them a little nod as I know they would approve of their precious grandchildren whom they loved so much running around the halls of the home they shared their love; family; life and death. Lots of Love, Emma ❤️
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