who function together is priceless, whether it pro duces the music of a stirring symphony or the steam-rolling tactics of a seasoned football squad. We speak of teamwork, united action, agree ment, intimacy. The essence of democracy is the voluntary commitment of free peoples to a way of life arrived at by mutual consent. One writer de scribes freedom as the length of the leash from a chosen stake. “ Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment” (I Cor. 1 : 10 ) . Fellowship, which amounts to comfortable re lationships, springs from mutual faith, viewpoints agreed on, activities approved of and that over worked but nonetheless descriptive word, together ness. Opposite these terms are such words as divi sion, contention, strife, disagreement, selfishness. Governments, churches and families seek to elimin ate such conditions from their midst. The late John Foster Dulles was dedicated to seeking out “areas o f agreement” among nations. To be “ perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment”— is there a more wholesome endeavor to give yourself to? This is the objective, the challenge, for the Christian fam ily. But in your effort to maintain congeniality in your family, one factor in human relations must be consciously and deliberately guarded against: We tend to grow apart. Isaiah describes man in this way: “All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all” (Isa. 53:6). We have turned every one to his own way— this is the story of two or more people living to gether. Jerry and Alice illustrate this. In the pre ceding chapter we spoke of an inevitable fork in the road and how easy it is for husband and wife to take up divergent paths. Nations make treaties, governments pass laws, young lovers pledge agree ments, families set rules. In all these efforts we see attempts to correct the tendency to wander from a standard, to go our separate ways. The prophet Amos asks the question, “ Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3 :3 ). The psalmist reflects, “ Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!” (Psa. 133:1). Probably no one in the field o f human rela tions would dispute the prophet and psalmist. The battleground comes in the process of arriving at this unity and in adhering to the standard that maintains it. There are many shades of opinion on the standards, the values and the goals by which
ing genuine appreciation, that he is not just par roting empty, meaningless words his wife insists on hearing and he does not really mean. On the other hand, Jerry also must continu ously remind his wife that she tends to neglect housekeeping, spends too much time over coffee, which throws off the timing o f meals, and leans toward extravagance. He does this most of the time in all patience and longsuffering. How much patience and longsuffering? Fifteen years o f it, so far. Jerry is a kindly man. He loves to be helpful to other people. Alice appreciates this about him and tells him so. She also keeps reminding him that she respects his faithfulness to his job and to his church, his thrift and his careful manage ment of family finances. On the other hand, she must keep after him because in his zeal to serve others, he tends to neglect the children. He is careless, too, about shin ing his shoes and changing his shirt often enough. Alice does this most o f the time in all patience and longsuffering. How much patience and longsuffer ing? Fifteen years of it, so far. Why don’t these people correct their ways per manently, you ask? It is a good question. We are not describing two angels, but a couple who have their strengths and weaknesses and who need each other. By keeping the channels of communication open between them, and with their relationship undergirded by deep love and a desire to please, each is a better person than he would be without the other. Yet, there is the tendency for each to drift back into old ways. You do not get very far seeking to conceal your negative reactions, making excuses for seeking a scapegoat when differences arise. If the relation ship is strained, you need to understand why and what can be done to improve it. When friction arises, it requires more than a description o f the action that caused it. A careful sharing o f how the act affected the quality of the relationship is nec essary. The feelings, attitudes and thoughts that the act aroused must be mutually understood. Keeping a marriage in tune brings to mind the story a father told about his two daughters. Both were given piano lessons and both were doing very well. Then the teacher assigned them a four- hand duet. Each child learned her own part flaw lessly. It was in putting the two parts together that the trouble came, when it did come. Mean while the family endured the discords of their fail ure to achieve teamwork. “Why not start over?” a harried parent would suggest. “ If you both kept the same timing, your parts ought to harmonize.” And if a common feeling for the rhythm flowed between the girls, the tones they produced were a joy to hear. A sense o f unity between two or more players
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SEPTEMBER, 1966
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