to break fellowship by going your own way, the inclination to conceal from your most trusted com panion? The answer, the Christian answer, to how you can maintain the kind of communication that leads to a mutual walk goes right back to your set of beliefs. Important in it is your belief in: The sinfulness of man. Redemption from sin by faith in Christ’s death. Indwelling of the Holy Spirit which enables us to do the will of God. True Christian marriage is based on the love of God that is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit (Rom. 5 :5 ). Remember these? Patience, kindness, generosity, humility, cour tesy, unselfishness, good temper, guilelessness and sincerity. With such love in the foundation, a Christian couple can proceed to establish and maintain a mutual way of life. Such a foundation will enable you to approach your partner with the sincere desire to know and to be known, to listen and to share, to understand and to be understood. Thus, you are ready to build the bridge across which two-way communication can flow. Two-way communication is, first o f all, a matter of the spirit. It requires two people who have been set free from the natural tendency to hide, to conceal, to be secretive. They have been set free by acknowledging that Christ died to set them free and are now submitting to the Holy Spirit, who keeps them as they continually yield to Him. Communication is based on a combination of truth and love. Paul describes mature Christians as: “ . . . no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind o f doctrine, by sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive ; but speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ” (Eph. 4:14-15). In the same chapter, Paul speaks of the man who is renewed in the spirit of the mind and who is created in righteousness and true holiness. To this man, Paul says : “Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor: for we are members one of another” (Eph. 4:25). We have emphasized that the natural tendency is to turn every one to his own way. You tend to become disunited and to make judgments and de . . the natural tendency is'to turn to one’s own way.”
cisions based on what you believe to be right and what is attractive and desirable to you. The in terests of the family easily become submerged in favor of your own. Because this is true, you must depend also on the other material besides love that goes to make up the foundation undergirding a Christian mar riage—the Bible. This is the standard mutually acceptable to the serious Christian couple. “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for cor rection, for instruction in righteousness: that the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works (II Tim. 3 :16,17). The application of this standard will, however, test the very foundation o f a Christian marriage. Notictî the kind of communication suggested here: Reproof, correction, instruction in righteousness. These are pointed words. Yet they reveal that the way to help maintain a “mutual” way of life is to tell your partner where he or she is wandering from your agreed-on path. This implies also your willingness to have your own wanderings pointed up. Paul says : “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted (Gal. 6 :1 ). Restoration—not patronizing concern for your brother (or wife), self-pity or self-seeking — is the goal. Unacceptable or questionable behavior o f others first of all should lead you to examine your own self. Perhaps if you change your way you will remove whatever has caused the other person to insist until one day she decided to do it Fred’s way. His complaints turned into praise. If after you have examined your own life and are confident before God that you are obeying Him, if you can meet Scriptural qualifications, “ye that are spiritual,” then you will be on solid ground for offering a rebuke. But make sure your attitudes, feelings and thoughts about the matter evidence a spirit o f love. If they do not, deal with your own needs first. When you are making full use of all the Christian graces, then go to your partner. Restoration implies reproof, correction, instruc tion in righteousness and recognition that adjust ment has been made. This kind of communication, when done in love, leads to maintaining unity. Restoration is a continuing process. It never ends, because we tend to go our way. Good com munications between marriage partners comes as a result of understanding this tendency toward self-will and accepting the justified reproof, cor rection from your partner, all undergirded by a spirit o f love. Chapter 5 from **Building A Christian Home** by Henry R, Brandt and Homer E. Dowdy, 1960, w ed by permission o f Scripture Press.
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THE KING'S BUSINESS
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