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How I Got Married … Without Popping the Question SAY ‘I DO’
It hasn’t always been easy, but I always say relationships are give and take. We’ve had some bumps in the road, but the trick is to deal with those bumps before they turn into mountains. There’s a difference between obstacles and problems in a relationship, and I believe problems are obstacles that weren’t handled right the first time. Ferial and I always try to handle the little bumps right and take everything in stride because we love each other. I cannot imagine my life without Ferial. She’s the cornerstone of my personal and professional life, always there to help me with her laser-guided intuition and business savvy. Her warm spirit and genuine care for every person she meets inspires me. I know I would not have the utmost integrity and ethics I have today were it not for her unwavering support. This month, I want to celebrate my valentine. Ferial, you are the light of my life. Thank for you all that you do. I look forward to the next 25 years with you.
In every way, from her personality to her good looks, Ferial fit the profile of what I wanted in a life partner and not just a short-term girlfriend. However, I didn’t rush to put a ring on her finger. We were both busy people and we didn’t have time for such a big commitment. For three years, we were just friends. When she was 28 and I was 27, we were both ready to find a life partner and enter that next stage, but neither of us were the sort to make a big fuss about our relationship status. The turning point came one evening while we were talking on the phone. I mentioned how I would be graduating in eight months and planned to move away. With a laugh, I added, “You’ll probably never see me again.” Later, she told me that struck a chord with her. She couldn’t imagine never seeing me again. Ferial thought, “I can’t imagine that happening, so it’s time to commit.” Twenty-five years later, I guess it’s safe to say her plan worked. Ferial started cooking for me, we watched movies together and began to hang out more, and we would spend hours talking on the phone every night. Things fell into place. A short year after we officially started dating, we were married.
I never asked my wife to marry me. There wasn’t a big, sweeping proposal where I got down on one knee after a romantic candlelit dinner or spelled out the question in skywriting. Our friendship organically morphed into marriage without either of us needing to shepherd it along. Ferial and I never really had a first date, either. We met shortly after I arrived in town for grad school. Ferial was working as a merchandising manager at JC Penny’s, having just graduated from Iowa State University. Right off the bat, I knew I liked her a great deal. She was an entrepreneur and possessed a good work ethic after coming from a humble background. Plus, we had fun together. “There’s a difference between obstacles and problems in a relationship, and I believe problems are obstacles that weren’t handled right the first time.”
Dr. Casey Bearden
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