This heartfelt message was given by Molly Robb, MSW, the Children’s Bereavement Program Coordinator, to the attendees at the recent Light Up a Life event.
“Good afternoon. It’s an honor to be sharing this space with each of you here today. I want to start out by acknowledging and appreciating the fact that each of us in this room are not only sharing a space with one another, but we are holding space for one another and for our loved ones who made such remarkable imprints on our lives. And that makes this a sacred space. Day-to-day, most days, we exist in a bustling, fast-paced society, where we are often juggling endless responsibilities, but today, you made the intentional choice to spend your afternoon here. I want to thank you for taking the time to slow down, to honor your loved ones, to honor one another, and to honor yourselves. Each of you matter, and each of your loved ones matter. Every one of us in this room knows what it is to be touched by the complex experience of grief. We know that we sometimes endure minutes, days, or months of darkness and heaviness carrying our grief. We know that our grief can sometimes feel like a burden we are trudging through life with, and the weight of it can topple us over at times. And that is understandable. Grief is messy, and it does not play by any set of rules. What would it be like for you to give yourself permission to be messy, to accept that messiness, and furthermore, what would it be like for you to embrace that messiness? Each of us here are immersed in this messiness, wearing it like a badge of honor, because we have been touched by the bright light of someone with whom we can no longer share time and space. Messiness makes sense, and managing the messiness takes time, patience, and it calls for us to show ourselves more grace. Our grief demands to be witnessed, and our healing depends on the support of those in our community. As the esteemed writer Bell Hooks so brilliantly proclaimed, “Rarely, if ever, are any of us healed in isolation. Healing is an act of communion”. But just because we can no longer physically be with those loved ones, does that mean that their light ever
really extinguishes? I don't believe it does. When someone we love dies, it's not hard to understand that our world can suddenly seem dim. The rest of the world seemingly keeps spinning and moving along, but our world as we knew it is forever changed. So how do we go about finding that light in our lives again? Earlier, I mentioned giving ourselves permission to be messy in our grief. And now, I’m calling for each of us to give ourselves permission to embrace any tiny glimmers of light, joy and hope that manage to break through the heaviness of our grief. Think about the dazzling light that your special person emanated. How can you encapsulate that light and let it shine through you and throughout your life? Maybe it's through sharing memories and stories of your person with others, maybe it’s through honoring your person through traditions or rituals or prayer…Or maybe it’s also by allowing ourselves to both bravely acknowledge and embrace the messy and dark parts of our grief when they emerge, while also welcoming any small glimmers of light that break through that darkness. Both dark and light can coexist. Leonard Cohen was a gifted poet and songwriter whose words seem particularly fitting for this space today: "Ring the bells that ring, forget your perfect offering. There is a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." As we near the holiday season, a time that might yield great joy for you or great sorrow for you, or both, it's essential that we allow ourselves the space, the grace, and the permission to shine a light on our grief. Allow yourself to mourn, allow yourself to lean on your community, and make sure you also allow yourself to let the light in, wherever it finds you. We are in this together. Thank you all.”
Love & Loss
remembering our people
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