Reflections On The First Year of Loss
Most people expect to feel a lot be Ʃ er as the one-year mark following a loved one’s death approaches. They become concerned if they s Ɵ ll feel intense waves of grief. But this may prove unrealis Ɵ c. A lot of energy the fi rst year goes into physical survival and learning to adjust. As a result, the emo Ɵ onal impact could be greater the second year. This may be a good Ɵ me to assess honestly where you are in your journey of grief. Think back to those fi rst couple of months following the death and ask yourself, “How have my feelings changed over Ɵ me?” “How have I expressed my emo Ɵ ons of grief?” “What adjustments have I successfully made?” “In what ways have I started to reinvest in living?” If you think you have go Ʃ en o ff track, seek counseling to help get you back on track. This is also a good Ɵ me to make a plan for how you will mark the one-year anniversary of your loved one’s death. On anniversaries, holidays, change of seasons, and other special occasions, grief can crash in on you like a wave. You therefore need a plan to help anchor yourself. The most important thing you can do, however, is maintain an open and nonjudgmental a ƫ tude toward your experience. Victor Frankl, famous holocaust survivor and author, once said, “Everything precious, including our dignity, can be taken from us, but the one thing that cannot be taken away is our power to choose what a ƫ tude we will take towards the events that have happened.” May you approach the ups and downs of your grief journey with openness and op Ɵ mism. The Next Phase You have successfully navigated your way to the fi rst year of loss. This might not have been what you wanted or expected, but you have survived! You are now on your way to the Next Phase of healing, armed with educa Ɵ on, determina Ɵ on and posi Ɵ ve goals. Focus on a posi Ɵ ve outcome , a n Ɵ cipate it , e xpect it. Plan on it! It will come! Whatever you pay a Ʃ en Ɵ on to and focus upon, will become more powerful in your life. If there is sadness; fear and pain will follow. Do not dwell on it. Accept it, but do not invite it in. Pain is an acceptable guest, but it is not a welcome long-term visitor. Do not fi ght fear, use it. Fear is a natural result of loss and a part of the healing process. Fear, when used as the energy, can help us meet our challenges. You will successfully meet your challenges. If you fi nd that you need addi Ɵ onal help is needed, please do not hesitate to call us, or a Ʃ end one of the Specialized Support Groups at the Center for Compassionate Care.
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