Victim Services: Helping Children Cope With Death

A child may not understand what a “drunk or drugged driver” is. You can explain how alcohol and drugs are different from milk or juice. You can explain that alcohol or drugs can make a per- son feel sick, dizzy and unable to stand or walk straight. Explain that a driver’s ability to drive was affected by the alcohol or other drugs. Focus upon one component of the crash at a time. Although children this age can easily express glad, mad and sad, their magical thinking may also lead to guilt feelings regarding their role in the death. Children may become mad and, at some point, may have wished to eliminate their parents and/ or siblings while alive and may have even thought of different ways to do it. The child in this age group may believe that their “death wish” actually caused the death. Children are more susceptible to feelings of guilt than adults or adolescents, since children cannot call upon intellectual resources to persuade themselves of their innocence. It is important to reinforce over and over again that they did not cause the crash, and free expression of guilt should be encouraged. The child of this age is similar to that of four to six years olds as they also may fear that death is a punishment for improper behavior. They may fear that naughty behavior has brought about the death of a loved one, and that they are likely to be punished for it. They may also believe that they or another loved one will be the next to die. Because the child simply cannot understand death in the intellectual level of adults, it is dif- ficult to rid themselves of feelings of anger, fear and guilt. It is not unusual for a child in this age range to feel some shame regarding the death of a loved

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