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‘EAR, NEWS, AND THROAT’
MASTER OF PRANKS
April Fools' Day is coming up fast, but there’s still time to plan your next big prank. Over the years, I’ve been both the prankster and the unwitting victim. This month, I’d like to share some of the best pranks I’ve been a part of. WAKE-UP CALL This one is a prank I pulled, and I use “prank” very loosely here. When I was in middle school, I was supposed to caddy for my dad at a golf tournament. That morning, my parents got up early to go to breakfast, and I was responsible for getting myself up, dressed, and ready before they got back home. Instead, I enlisted my sister’s help to convince them I was still in bed. We stuffed pillows under my covers to make it look like I was still asleep and turned off all the lights in my room. Then, I hid on the other side of the bed and waited for our parents to come home. An Evans Family April Fools'
we liked him pretty well, but my good friend and I often joked with each other by imitating him—well out of Mr. Snow’s earshot, of course.
One day, after parent-teacher conferences, my momwas
driving my friend and me somewhere when she said, “I had a great conference with Mr. Snow. He thought it was so funny how you two are always talking like him and laughing about his clothes!” We instantly panicked. How could she tell him that? After letting us freak out for a fewminutes, my mom started laughing and admitted she never told him any of that stuff. It was a simple prank, but for about five minutes, I was convinced I was going to spend the rest of the year in detention. SPECIAL DELIVERY Renee is better at pranking than anyone else in the Evans family. My wife has pulled some pretty spectacular pranks on me. The best one happened when we were trying to get pregnant with Audrey. Renee was still working as a pharmacist and had to get up earlier than I did for work. She took a pregnancy test in the morning, then texted me later in the day to tell me it was negative. Better luck next month. When Renee came home later that afternoon, I was watching a weird, subtitled Korean movie. After the movie was finally over, she brought me an Amazon package that had been delivered. I didn’t realize that she was recording me with her phone. I spent about half a minute messing with the TV remote before I finally opened the package. Inside was the positive pregnancy test she’d taken that morning, and that’s how I found out that I was going to be a dad. I really should have seen it coming. She did the exact same thing when we booked our wedding venue. At first, she told me the dates we wanted were all booked up and that we’d have to find somewhere else. Later, she gave me
When my dad walked through the front door, the first thing he asked was, “Is Seth up and ready?”
“No,” my sister said, “I think he’s still asleep.”
My dad didn’t sound happy to hear this. That’s when my mom came into my room to get me up. When she turned on the lights, I jumped up, fully dressed and ready to go.
“Ha! Psych!” I laughed. “I’m ready!”
It was a pretty lame prank to be sure, but my dad did think it was pretty funny.
PARENT-TEACHER CATASTROPHE The best prank my parents ever pulled on me was orchestrated by my mom. In ninth grade, my science teacher was a man named Mr. Snow. He was a quirky guy, to put it lightly. Mr. Snow had a very particular way of talking, and because he was colorblind, he always dressed like a crime against fashion. I’m talking about fuchsia plaid shirts with green pants. He was a good teacher, and “Renee is better at pranking than anyone else in the Evans family. My wife has pulled some pretty spectacular pranks on me.”
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