c t O v e n by Dr. Clyde M . Narramore
Dr. Narramore, graduate of Columbia University, New York City, is a psychologist and Consultant in Research and Guidance with one of the largest school systems in the United States
thing be done about it. At any rate, I think it is a very serious one which must be dealt with in a Christian and forthright manner. It is lamentable that people cannot live with their relatives without be coming obnoxious. It is a pity that a mother or a father cannot live with the family without causing trouble. Relatives can be a great blessing in a home through their thoughtfulness, kindness, cooperation, and godliness. They can enrich the lives of all they contact. But very often relatives do not observe the rules which make for happy “ together” living. As you have stated in your letter, this lady is usurping authority in disciplining the children. If you resent this, just think how much your husband and the children themselves must resent it. People who have to live with their relatives should keep several basic facts in mind: (1) Never interfere with the children without first asking the Mother or Father if you should. (2) Let the family have some time by itself, even though they do ask you to join them. Every family likes to have some time alone, even without an aunt, uncle or g r a n d m o t h e r around. This is normal. (3) Do not give advice to the people with whom you live, even if they ask for it. When they ask your advice, open up the conversation so they can talk about their own problem and get their own solutions. After all, they do not want your suggestions — they want some one with whom they can talk and discuss their problems — someone who will help them find their own good solutions. The problem with your mother must be faced forthrightly. There is no way to evade it. You must talk very honestly with her. Of course she will resent it, but your entire family life is at stake, and God holds you re sponsible for your husband and your children. After all, the Bible teaches you that when you get married you are to leave and to cleave. Since your mother is not a Chris tian you should do all within your power to lead her to the Lord. Take her to church. Take her where she can see Christian films. Leave books for her to read. She may be especially interested in these two books: (1) “ The Burden is Light,” by Eugenia
Price, (2) “This Way to Happiness,” which is my own. Taking hold of this problem at present may not be pleasant but it is the only way to bring about a lasting solution. Reading Question. Our boy w ill be just under six when he starts to the first grade this year. Do you think he is too young to start reading? Answer. That depends upon the indi vidual child. However, numerous studies have been made in the field of reading, and it is clearly shown that the average youngster is ready to begin reading when he is about six-and-one-half years of age. That means that some children are ready before and some are ready afterward. Reading is a complex process, re quiring considerable background and maturity. There is no virtue in forc ing a child ahead of his natural de velopment. A wealth of reading read iness activities are highly beneficial, and I am sure your son’s teacher will give him such activities to pre pare him for more formal reading. Many children have been handi capped because they were pushed into activities before they were ready for them. M ost parental errors occu r more from thoughtlessness and from lack of in sigh t than from lack o f affection or concern for the child. Child Placement Question. W e have a 17-year-old mon- goloid son. He has been in the State School for several years. W e are so glad God gave us the courage to place him with those of his own type. It wasn’t easy, but we loved him too much to cheat him out of the com panionship that he finds with others who are similarly afflicted. I thought that this might encour age some other parent who has a seriously mentally retarded child, not to selfishly keep him in the home. I don’t think it is right. However, it did take my husband and me several years to face up to the situation. W e are so glad that we finally did. Answer. Thank you for your letter. I know it will help other readers who have severely mentally retarded chil dren.
DR. NARRAMORE
Mother Trouble Question. M y mother is now 79 years old, but she still goes out and works part time. However, she is beginning to realize that soon she w ill have to quit work. A fter she has visited with me or my sister a week or so, she becomes very restless, and she isn’t happy unless she completely takes over our home. She insists on doing all of the clean ing and even caring for the children. When I or my sister, whom she some times visits offer to help, she tells us that she feels unwanted. She treats both of her daughters like this. She is a dear, precious mother, and we love her very much. W e are w ill ing for her to help and cooperate, but she wants to be the boss. She has al ways been this way. So our problem is this: What authority should she have in our own homes, and how far should she be allowed to discipline our children? W e are Christians and we want to feel right about this, and, of course, we want God’s way. But how can we talk to her as God would have us? If we mention a hobby or anything for her to do, she just says that she has been on the job all of her life and she doesn’t want any of these hobbies. She is not a believer. I hope you can help us with this problem because we are at a loss to know what to do. W e have prayed much about the situation, but the fact still remains that Mother is running our lives, bossing and disciplining our children, and almost breaking up our families. Answer. You will be interested to know that I receive many, many letters like this. Perhaps it is because many peo ple do have the same problem. On the other hand it might be the type of problem which demands that some
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