And so it is that the following Tuesday I find myself in my son’s classroom presenting about my line of work. I hand round the ticket machine and my digital camera. The children are unable to contain their excitement. I even hear one young chap say, ‘this is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.’ My son seems asphyxiated by pride, not saying a word to me all morning. I speak to the other parents and see their presentations: a lawyer, an electrician and a pharmacist. Nothing has the rousing reception of my address. The teacher, an enthusiastic young woman, thanks us all profusely. She has stared at me lustfully throughout the morning and has now asked me stay behind so we can talk one-on-one. I know what she wants; her raw animalism has sought out the alpha male. I often find women hopelessly and passionately attracted to me. It’s part of the reason my wife and I had to separate: her jealousy drove her into the arms of other men. She thought of nothing but me the whole time. The teacher tells me my son is underachieving and I ought to speak to him. So I pick him up from school that afternoon, as it is one of my few days of Rest & Relaxation. I notice several of the children recognize me from my talk and shoot me looks of admiration. My son is puzzled at first but he runs over to meet me and I tussle his hair. We enter my brand new Ford Fiesta. ‘Is everything all right at school, pal?’ ‘Fine, Dad.’ ‘You realise if you want to be successful like Dad you have to work hard. Remember the Danish proverb I told you? “He who jumps far must take a long run up.”’ ‘I remember.’ I drop him off at his mother’s house. Lesson learnt. I decide to go to a bar as I have some rare free time and it gives
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