The Blame Game When Kids Are Angry About a Divorce “You ruined my life!” If you’re a parent, you’ll probably hear your child shout those words at you someday. It’s a hard thing to hear, especially when you’re only trying to do what’s best for them. But it’s even worse when their anger stems from a divorce. Divorced parents often feel guilty at the best of times. So, how do you handle it when your kid directly expresses their resentment? There are few opportunities riper for self-reflection than a divorce, so it’s first worth examining your behavior. If you had an affair, blew the family’s money with irresponsible spending, or fractured the relationship with an addiction, your child’s blame might be well-founded. In these cases, the best thing you can do is sincerely apologize for your actions and explain what you’re doing so you don’t repeat your mistakes. Next, you should look at the energy you’re bringing to your children. If you seem angry about the divorce, they’ll probably mirror your emotions. Do you bad-mouth your ex, complain about how they spend money, or regularly gripe about your reduced standard of living? If so, you’re making matters worse. Model resilience and show your kids how to survive hard times with grace. Regardless of your level of fault, never minimize your child’s emotions about the divorce. You may feel they’re better off in the long run, but if they don’t feel that way too, you can’t talk them out of it. Don’t apologize for your choices, but do acknowledge and own them. And don’t try to tell your kid that they’re wrong about what they feel. Shifting the blame also won’t help — even if you’re right and it was all your ex’s fault. It’s common for the child to blame the parent who makes them feel safest. If their other parent is unreliable, they’re more likely to lash out at the one whose love they know is unconditional. Even if it hurts, they need your continued understanding and support to provide stability. Ultimately, time is the great healer. Most kids eventually move on, and if you navigate these complicated emotions with understanding and honesty, your family will come out stronger on the other side. Instead of taking the blame personally, remain compassionate and curious about what your child is feeling. It’s the only way to work through the matter effectively together.
The Art of Quieting Your Mind Before Bed All day long, thoughts run through your mind, and by the end of the day, your head is probably ready to explode. After all, it’s estimated that in 24 hours you can have between 60,000–80,000 thoughts. At some point, your brain needs a break, and that’s especially true before you try to go to bed. Here are some ways to quiet your mind, so you can get a full night’s sleep! Keep your bed for sleeping. If you aren’t sleeping, get out of bed! Getting in the habit of scrolling through your phone, watching TV, reading, working, or even eating in bed teaches your brain that your bed is for things other than sleeping! If you find yourself tossing and turning, get out of bed and try a relaxing activity such as reading, journaling, listening to music, or meditating. When you get tired, try getting back in bed. Breathe deeply. Breathing exercises can not only help calm your mind and spirit, but they can lower your heart rate, which is especially beneficial in relieving stress or anxiety when things are upsetting you. Write it down . Instead of letting thoughts fill your mind right before bed (such as the next day’s tasks or any worries you have), set aside time before bed to write it out. Whether you are a fan of journaling, writing letters, or simply just listing out your problems, goals, and thoughts, grab a pen and paper and make it a nightly routine. This way, your thoughts will be freed before your head hits the pillow. Try a light snack. When you can’t sleep, the last thing that you want to do is eat something heavy. In fact, when you eat a large meal right before bed, your digestive system can become overwhelmed. But, studies have shown that eating a light carbohydrate snack such as crackers or popcorn when you can’t sleep may be helpful. Turn your room into a sleep haven. Keeping your bedroom neat, relaxing, and calm can help improve your sleep! Keep all televisions, computers, and screens out of the bedroom and furnish it with soft colors and textures that are tranquil and soothing to you. Pumping the brakes on worrisome thoughts racing through your mind can be tough, but trying these tips and tricks may earn you some relief and much needed sleep.
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