B Y A L E X A N D R A H A R T L E Y - L E O N A R D
The Easter Sunday that this issue of Hola Sober comes out will be 1000 days alcohol- free for me. To say that I never in a million years saw myself getting to that number would be a giant understatement. Anytime I hit a milestone, I am always taken back to a moment I can remember so clearly - sitting on a pool deck in the middle of July of 2019, of course with a cocktail in my disguised Yeti cup, watching my boys swim in the summer early evening light, and finally getting up the courage to type in “#alcoholfreelife” into my Instagram search bar. I take a deep breath and exhale as I type this now, just as I did back then, feeling the tightness of that moment. At the time, I had absolutely no clue what typing those letters was actually starting. I would not know for many many months that what I was actually doing was taking the first step toward freedom, as opposed to a deeply guilt- ridden and painful step to admitting what I knew I needed to consider. I typed. I scrolled. I quizzically looked at some of what I saw- mainly the posts about how wonderful life was on the other side- ha!..right. I judged. I made assumptions. I cleared my search cache. I closed Instagram. But a seed was planted. On July 22 , after a night of finally admitting no time would be the right time, I just jumped. That was 1000 days ago. I would white knuckle it alone for…well...longer than I would recommend. About 2 weeks in I would read Annie Grace’s book. I would start listening to podcasts. And of course Instagram…always Instagram- searching for signs of life out there in the real world right at this moment - who else was doing this? I finally made an account that was safely just a sober account so I could start following people without anyone in my real life knowing (as if everyone is always checking to see who I’m following…but I digress.)
What these sources gave me were words that resonated with me down to my slowly healing soul. I started keeping a list of quotes on my phone, my computer, and pieces of paper stuffed into a journal. I even started writing down my own words. Eventually, I would write down what resonated with me in meetings. I collected words that I would go back to and read from time to time in order to feel seen. I wanted to take an opportunity this month to share just some of the quotes that I have kept over these past 1000 days. Many are from the first few months. These small bite-sized thoughts have helped me through the rainbow of feelings that comes when you are desperately trying to change your life. To those of you with lots of time on this path, I hope some of this resonates with you. And to those in early days- my heart is with you the very most. I wish that I could put my forehead on yours and let you climb into my mind and feel the actual difference in the ease that I have now versus 1000 days ago. No matter what I ever share, I will never fully be able to express to you the *true depth and scope* of how your life and brain will change for the better if you walk away from alcohol, but I hope that maybe some of these will land for you with that satisfying *click* that makes you feel seen. “We usually need to leave the old without any promise of the new, need to spend some time as forest dwellers, just surviving.” - Marion Woodman “Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.”- Earl Nightingale “self-love- is creating space - in your life to heal - your body and mind” - yung pueblo Worry is a form of control.
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