M A R I A M C K E N T Y
They knew me before I knew myself and loved me until I could love myself. I felt acceptance like I never had in my life. They were willing to listen, to guide and to support. Because my addiction began very early in life, I didn’t have a version of myself from before I started drinking to re-inhabit. Like a baby I learned to sit, then stand, then walk, then run and dance. I became “me” for the first time in my life. And for that I have the women in recovery spaces to thank. Life long friends who are so much more than friends. They mothered me, sistered me and and nurtured me. They helped me grow and inspired me to want to continue growing. Love is nurturing. Then I became a mother and I met the lioness in me. I am the proud, protective, unapologetic mother of two beautiful men who both have addiction. One is in the early years of recovery and the other is trying to find his way back to “normal drinking”. Not going so well. All I can do is love them. I can’t fix them. I can’t change them. I can’t speed up their process (I’ve tried). But I can love them, no matter what mess they are in. And I do. Their story, like all of ours is in process. The outcome is unfolding and while there is breath, there is hope. Love is unconditional. For twenty-one years I taught Kindergarten and, what I learned about love from my students, far exceeds anything I may have taught them. What could be more delicious that the eager eyes of a five year old, who is leaving the nest and entering the world, many for the first time. I became the the one who cared, understood, directed, encouraged, kept the bar high, praised, redirected, fostered and loved, for six hours a day five days a week. Many children spend more time with their teacher than their parents. How I held those children mattered and I held them with love and respect. It’s not always easy to love 20 children all day. They test boundaries and make mistakes as they learn to navigate the social world.
I’ve had to forgive myself, nurture myself, care for myself, discipline myself, find my voice, hold myself accountable, accept my humanity and own my power. Finding unconditional self-love has been the greatest gift of sobriety. Love is a gift. I am a blessed woman to have always had love in my life and to have experienced it in many ways. It is one of the ways I experience God. My daily prayer is “Thank you, I love you.” S UMME R
But love isn’t always hugs and praise. It’s holding a line so that an individual can reach and grow. When that is done with kindness, not anger, it is love. Each September, as I met with new parents, I told them that no one else has a job where they are guaranteed to fall in love with 20 new people every year. Sometimes that took a lot of compassion, but when someone is young, it’s easy to forgive and love. Just yesterday I was in the grocery store and saw two of my former students who work there. They are young adults now, both out of school. I saw it in their eyes and they saw in mine. It’s still there. Love. Love is respectful. I found romantic love for a second time with my husband Rod. This love came at the most unexpected time, just ten months after Jerry died. I was 52 years old, not looking so hot in the new widow sort of way. Rod is a friend of my brothers and was invited him to join him on Martha’s Vineyard for a little get away. When introduced, we shook hands and electricity went up my arm and straight to my heart. It was f*cking love at first sight! How cliche! Impossible! Only in movies! It took him a while to catch up to me (always the way) and our courtship was long and mindful. Rod is also widowed, which makes a huge difference, because we can both appreciate that our first loves hold a big piece of our hearts. We have a spicy love that is just different from what I had with Jerry. od is light and fun and energetic. We enjoy the outdoors and movies and we laugh a lot! We are in the moment, knowing that life only has so many moments left, so we’d best make the most of them. Love is a surprise. Last, but most important, in this amazing life of sobriety I have learned to love myself. It wasn’t automatic. It didn’t magically happen.
LOVE IS POWERFUL. LOVE IS HEALING. LOVE IS MESSY. LOVE IS NURTURING. LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL. LOVE IS RESPECTFUL. LOVE IS A SURPRISE. LOVE IS A GIFT.
LOTS OF LOVE MARIA ❤️
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