WisconsinChristianNews.com Openly, honestly and deeply — with no other agendas, except to offer empathy, un- derstanding and compassion as brothers in Christ. Email: Rob@WisconsinChristianNews.com Phone: (715) 486-8066 Acknowledging Male Loneliness (Continued from Page 3) Volume 26, Issue 7 Page 7 with them all His Father had shown Him. connection. Even as men, we must admit we have emotional needs that can only be understood and met by other men, who under- stand our unique struggles and challenges, and then, allow ourselves to trust.
But back to the main topic here, which is male loneli- ness. Men deal with a lot more than they’re given credit for, and they do it will- ingly, unemotionally and silently. But it wears on us. Without close friends that we can be open, honest and even vulnerable with, it’s easy to end up feeling very alone in life a lot of the time. Thank our Heavenly Father that He blessed us with Godly wives to ease our bur- dens. As He said in Genesis 2, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” But we also need “guy friends” — others who can understand our unique situ- ations, our callings and the daily demands of life that we bear as just part of who we are and what we do. Unfor- tunately, most of us walk these roads alone. Person- ally, I have a lot of people that I consider friends. But I can count on less than one hand the number of male friends that really know me, that I can open up to, share my struggles with and seek advice from. And none of these few close friends are local to my area. In fact, al- most none even live in my state, so it’s rare that I get to see them and spend time with them in person. As men, we have a calling and duty to be strong and courageous, to work hard and be providers, protectors and servants. We’re to be warriors — not weak, not lazy and certainly not cow- ardly. And even though we’re trained from childhood on to not let our emotions or feelings show, we still have them. While most men are used to being “loners,” we need to admit that we need male friends who can em- pathize with us in compas- sionate understanding. God’s Word says so. Ecclesiastes 4, “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not an- other to help him up.” Proverbs 27, “Iron sharp- eneth iron; so, a man sharp- eneth the countenance of his friend.” Galatians 6, “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” In John 15, Jesus called His disciples His “friends,” rather than servants, be- cause He was able to share
Once again, God’s way is the opposite of the world’s way. The enemy would pre- fer we remain isolated, emo- tionally distressed, lonely and even hopeless. There are many examples in Scrip- ture of men who felt exactly these ways. Think of Job, Elijah, David and Paul. But God’s Word tells us to connect, to be genuine, vul- nerable, open, honest, lov- ing and caring toward one another. And we’re also re- minded that we, and Christ-followers, also have a Friend who sticks closer than a brother. I know it’s hard to trust. My trust in others has been betrayed more times than I can count. But the truth is, it’s impossible to form these vitally-important close friendships if there’s no trust; if you’re not will- ing to let your defenses fall and allow people to see that you’re not perfect, that your life can be hard some- times and that sometimes, though your faith is strong, your will is weak. It’s ok. God does some of His best work in the midst of our weakness. We all need love and connection, and the comfort of Godly friendship in this world we’ve been battling for so long on our own. Where do you find such a friend? First and foremost, in Jesus, because as you know, “What a Friend we have in Jesus!” But then take another look at your long list of “acquaintances” and consider which one you would like to be a friend to. Then, invest some time in getting to know that brother better. Instead of the surface “friendship” you may have now, talking only about the weather, the kids, your job or sports, allow yourself to be open with them and deepen that connection. Your soul will rejoice when you have a true friend like this. But to have such a friend, you need to be a friend. One who would never betray their trust. One who would drop every- thing to help in their time of need. One who doesn’t just say, “I’ll be praying for you,” but instead, stops everything and prays with them right in that moment. Bottom line, if we want to break out of the trap of “male loneliness,” we need to understand that we need
David and Jonathan are examples of two men that were best friends and we should learn from their ex- ample. Even in the midst of the worst adversity, we read of this bond of deep friend- ship, “...the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” I’m blessed in that I also have a friend like that, though he lives far away and we’re rarely able to get together in person. As men, we often have a hard time trusting other men, because we’ve learned things aren’t always as they seem. I was once part of a men’s prayer group, and we shared many personal, pri- vate struggles with one an- other, fully believing our time together in that small group was safe. We prayed for one another, counseled one another and bore one another’s burdens. We told each other the truth, even when it was hard for them to hear. Proverbs 27, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend...” Unfortunately, as it turned out, there were two deceivers among us, who betrayed our trust. And once that trust was broken, it was impossi- ble to rebuild. “The kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” In- deed. As Christian men, we should also be aware that the root of our loneliness is often sin. It began in the Garden. When sin entered the world, brokenness en- tered relationships. Adam, once able to walk with God in the Garden in the cool of the day, suddenly found himself hiding from God. When caught in sin, Adam blamed Eve, and I would conclude that this not only isolated him from God and his wife, but the shame and guilt also isolated him inter- nally. Pride is another sin that causes us loneliness. As men, we think we need to hold everything together and conquer life on our own. We don’t want to be seen as weak or vulnerable, so we have a hard time letting our guard down, dropping our pride and bonding with our Christian brothers. But James tells us we are to con- fess our sins to one another and pray for one another.
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