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existence with a tweet, claiming that if there ever were to be a you-centric scandal, that it should be dubbed Gaetzgate – you know, since it rhymes. That’d be like Nixon recommending his favorite D.C. hotel on Virginia Ave. in 1971, or akin to O.J. Simpson smiling through a star cameo in a Ford Bronco ad circa 1993. With that unwitting seed in the ether, the universe clapped back on your Florida hubris and now no Republicans are returning your texts...
with interns, aides, married legislators, and lobbyists. There’s a literary term for this: Chekhov’s facepalm. He graduated to the U.S. House in 2016 and later invited alt-right Holocaust denier Charles C. Johnson to attend Trump’s 2018 State of the Union address. Gaetz got meta afterward, though, by denying that the Holocaust denier denied the Holocaust. And in the ensuing years, Gaetz tweet- threatened Trump layer Michael Cohen, baselessly claimed Antifa stormed the Capitol, and took $200,000 of taxpayer funds to rent an office from a Pensacola real estate developer. But all these morally dubious antics were merely a rehearsal for Matt’s most wicked performance yet. GAETZGATE Let’s review the details (as there are many): there’s a federal criminal investigation into whether Gaetz paid escorts for sex and whether he had a sexual relationship with a teenage girl – and whether he paid her for sex, enticing her to cross state lines to do so, which is, what’s the word, again? Oh, right – child sex trafficking. And then there’s the frat- house move of Gaetz flaunting nude photos of his sexual conquests to other congressmen on the House floor. As The Atlantic noted, this behavior in any other gig but Congress has the same ending: unemployment. But not in the District...
WORST IN SHOW: A CRINGEY HISTORY
With that unwitting seed in the ether, the universe clapped back on your Florida hubris and now no Republicans are returning your texts, Matt... Two years later, Gaetz found himself in the Florida House of Representatives, allegedly creating a fun little game with his colleagues. They’d award each other points for sleeping In 2008, Gaetz had a DUI (a rite of passage for all aspiring politicians) while returning from Florida nightclub The Swap (too perfect). But what’s extra Gaetz-y about the incident is that his refusal to take a breathalyzer didn’t result in criminal prosecution, as it would for anyone else. Are we noticing a theme yet?
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