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NOVEMBER 2023
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Why Adoption Is the Happiest Side of Family Law
Family law can be emotionally taxing work. Most clients we work with are going through an incredibly difficult time. Sometimes, there are high levels of conflict or even abuse. While we strive to make every divorce as smooth as possible, negative feelings are bound to be involved. So, it’s always pleasant when we get to do something wholly positive. Adoption is a beautiful thing. Pacific Northwest Family Law has a great deal of experience with adoption cases, and we welcome them with open arms. Particularly when parents have voluntarily relinquished their parental rights, these cases put a smile on everyone’s faces, including the judge and court officials.
couldn’t have any biologically. I came home with them a few days after birth and couldn’t have asked for a better childhood. While I don’t know much about my biological parents, I am incredibly grateful to them. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for them to sign those papers and agree never to see me again. It took a lot of courage on their part. Whatever their circumstances, I greatly respect and admire their choice to give me the best life possible. Uncontested adoptions like mine are pretty straightforward. There is, naturally, a legal process and cost, but there are rarely concerns by the time the parents step into the courtroom. We love to see the court grant legal recognition to a happy family, making them no different under the eyes of the law than if they were biologically related. Contested adoptions can be more stressful. They often involve children in foster care and biological parents who cannot care for their children due to addiction, criminal activity, or other problems. It can be complicated to terminate someone’s parental rights, particularly against their will. But we find comfort and purpose in knowing we’re ensuring the child’s best interests and giving them the best chance for a happy, healthy childhood.
Stepparent adoptions are the most common type of adoption we see. These adoptions are usually, though not always, uncontested. The other biological parent is typically not in the picture for various reasons, and the courts may terminate parental rights when the parent truly cannot be located. However, others do not want the emotional and financial responsibilities of parenthood and voluntarily terminate their rights. Nevertheless, it’s beautiful to see someone who wants to become a child’s parent have that opportunity. The adoption process gives the stepparent the same rights a biological one would have, even if the couple eventually divorces. The person the child calls “mom” or “dad” gets to stay in their lives, make decisions, and care for them. The most important thing for people to realize is that an adoptive parent is a parent — period. They are the parent the child will know, trust, and learn from, who will be there to dry tears, help with homework, and dole out punishment. In the end, adoption merely formalizes a bond that cannot be forced or manufactured but only forged through love.
I don’t only know the joys of adoption through my work; I was adopted as an infant in 1958. My parents were wonderful people who wanted more children but
–Scott Ashby
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TRANSFORM POWER STRUGGLES INTO LEARNING MOMENTS WITH THESE TECHNIQUES
One of the common challenges parents face with their young children is power struggles. When you ask your child to do something, and they refuse, you could spend countless hours and endless energy trying to get them to comply. Sometimes, the more persistent you are, the more resistant they can become. However, several strategies exist to avoid these arguments with your strong-willed kids. Here are two methods you can adapt to fit some common parenting scenarios. ASK CRITICAL-THINKING QUESTIONS. Sometimes, kids don’t understand the consequences of their actions — they lack the appropriate problem-solving skills to help them understand why you’re making certain requests. Instead of telling them to do something, ask questions that make
them think critically about the situation. If they leave their toys outside before a storm, ask what could happen to them and how they could prevent that. When your child understands that leaving toys out during a storm could damage them, they will realize that putting them away is a good idea. Remember, when children are forced to do something they don’t want to do, they will focus more on being angry at you rather than learning a lesson or new habit. Encouraging them to develop their own conclusions will help them better understand the impact of their decisions.
what they get to do. Sometimes children refuse to comply with requests because you’ve offered them no other option. If you want your child to clean their room, don’t demand that they do it. Ask what they want to start on first — make the bed, put away their toys, or hang up clothes. Providing alternatives and allowing them to make a choice will not only get the job done faster but will also increase their confidence in knowing you value their opinion. Navigating power struggles with children can be a challenging aspect of parenting. But implementing effective strategies can make a significant difference in maintaining harmony at home. So give these methods a try and watch as your relationship with your child grows.
OFFER CHOICES AND THE OPPORTUNITY TO CHOOSE.
Giving your children choices helps them feel like they have some freedom over
Pet Custody in Washington State
Many people now view pets as family members, with some owners referring to their furry friends as their “kids.” Unfortunately, family law has not caught up with our shift in thinking about the animals that live with us. Unlike with human children, there is no such thing as joint custody for a pet. So, who gets to keep them after a divorce?
during the marriage is community property and subject to the same equitable distribution rules as a couch.
Whether or not a judge treats your pet the same as a sofa often comes down to their disposition and beliefs. An animal lover may take extra care and consideration in deciding who keeps the pet. In contrast, a person who genuinely views pets as property
Washington state still legally considers pets property. If one spouse purchased the pet before the marriage began, the law considers the animal separate property, and the pet will return to its original owner. A pet acquired
might make a more dispassionate ruling based on the animal’s legal registration and monetary value. Therefore, as with most divorce considerations, people with strong feelings about their pets should try to resolve the matter through mediation. A more collaborative agreement allows both parties more control over the outcome.
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TAKE A BREAK
The laws of nature ensure children grow more independent as they age, and teenagers make far more decisions than toddlers. As older children form strong opinions on where they live and when they visit their other parent, it can lead to custody complications. A minor has limited influence on custody, but the parents and the court are usually wise to take an older child’s views seriously. A judge will begin considering a child’s opinion on custody around age 12, depending on their maturity. The older a child is, the more weight a judge will likely give their opinion, though the reasons for their preferences matter. A teen who wants to live with one parent because they’re closer to friends and extracurricular activities differs from one who wants to live with a parent because they’ll have a later curfew. A teen who can articulate why they think one parent can provide a more stable home environment differs from both. Crucially, a child cannot legally decide where they live until they reach 18. Until they are adults, their views are just another piece of the custody puzzle. However, the reality for parents can be significantly more complicated. After all, forcing a small child to follow a custody arrangement is much less challenging than coercing a strong-willed teen. If an older child refuses to visit one parent, the court often understands the other parent’s hands may be tied. A judge will consider the teen’s reasoning for refusing visitation and will attempt to determine if the other parent is exerting an undue influence. Except in cases of abuse or neglect, the preferred parent should encourage their child to follow the parenting plan, but attempting to force visitation could backfire. A parent whose child does not want to live with or visit them also faces a bind. When a child gets older and wants to change where they live, it’s natural for the primary residential parent to want to fight. However, attempting to force a child to live with you out of hurt or pride rather than concern for their welfare can seriously damage a relationship. We encourage parents to choose these battles carefully. If you have questions or concerns about your older children’s custody, Pacific Northwest Family Law is here to help. Call us at 564.212.2733 so we can review your options and determine the best path forward. A TEENAGE TUG OF WAR How to Navigate an Older Child’s Custody Preferences
SOLUTION:
Some couples create a “parenting plan” for their pet. Often, custody of the pet will follow custody of the children. People without children might exchange possession of the pet weekly or grant one party visitation on weekends. These agreements can work in a genuinely amicable divorce. However, they’re not advisable when one or more spouses may be competitive, manipulative, or vengeful. Unlike a proper custody agreement, the courts will not legally enforce your plan for your pets. Sometimes, one person might make significant concessions or a cash payment in exchange for pet custody. This is a matter to discuss with your attorney so you understand all the ramifications of such a decision and choose what makes the most sense. Several states have updated their laws regarding pets and divorce to treat animals more like children, and Washington may one day follow suit. Until then, ensure you have an attorney who understands the law and can help achieve the best outcome. Call Pacific Northwest Family Law at 564.212.2733 to schedule a consultation today!
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1 | Where Love Meets Legal Parenthood
2 | Say Goodbye to Power Struggles With Kids!
Divorce Dilemma: Who Gets Fido?
3 | Why Teen Custody Preferences Are a Balancing Act
4 | Paper Folding Fun for All Ages
Boost Your Child’s Cognitive Skills With Origami
IMPROVE HAND-EYE COORDINATION. Origami also helps younger children better understand spatial concepts such as measurements, shapes, and directions. Studies show that origami helps children improve their dexterity, hand-eye coordination, and spatial reasoning skills. ENCOURAGE A MATHEMATIC MINDSET. The shapes and measuring involved in origami are also an incredible way to implement geometric concepts, terms, and formulas. For older kids, you can make origami a geometry
If you’re looking for a family activity requiring minimal supplies and effort, origami should be next on your to-do list! Origami might seem too challenging or even not stimulating enough for children, but there are plenty of accessible and delightful shapes to keep your kids endlessly entertained. Plus, they won’t be able to stop themselves from filling your home with paper swans, dragons, and more!
Not only is origami a simple activity that just requires paper, but it also offers a variety of benefits to children and adults
alike. Discover how origami can boost your family’s brains and the perfect way to start folding! PRACTICE PATIENCE AND MINDFULNESS. No running, jumping, or yelling involved. Children can partake in a soothing activity requiring their undivided attention when practicing origami. Origami is even considered a form of focused attention meditation , which involves concentrating on a single object to induce a relaxing state.
lesson! Use different geometric formulas and apply them to various paper shapes. This will help students better visualize and understand these mathematical concepts. GET STARTED. There are endless resosurces online or at your local library to create age-appropriate origami activities. While you can purchase special origami paper, you can also use standard paper and scissors to cut sheets into the proper size. Fill your table with a
Calmly focusing on folding a piece of paper into a unique shape requires you to be present in the moment and can be a fantastic way to introduce mindfulness to your family.
rainbow assortment of colored papers and let your kids pick the origami shape of their choice. Before you know it, origami rabbits and birds will be lining your shelves!
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