by William R. Pankey
fulness.
ner as to make one feel superior. Don’t get on each other’s nerves. Do your quarreling in whispers. Refrain from explosions of emotional imma turity. (5) Respect each other’s personal ity and convictions. Don’t try to dom inate and cultivate common interests. Share your joys and problems. Be reasonable and sincere. Let kindness lead the way. (6) Don’t try to get your own way by unfair means, such as anger, threats, sulking or screaming. Recon ciliation is always better than com promise. Both sides will win by rec onciliation, but both will lose by com promise. (7) Expect to disagree sometimes. Learn to sit down and talk things over calmly. Admit and change when you are wrong. The first to admit a wrong always wins anyway. Main tain your sense of fairness and faith-
the art of listening to God. Nurture your spiritual life through prayer and meditation. Find a good church and attend regularly with your family. Give a reasonable portion of your talent and time in Christian service. (2) Refrain from talking about family troubles to outsiders. Do not show resentment by recalling past troubles that have been settled once. Learn to forgive and forget. Be fair and loyal. (3) Keep the spirit of courtship and romance. Maintain your personal attractiveness. Provide adequately for your children without neglecting yourselves as parents. The parents must look to the future when the children have grown up and left the home. (4) Eliminate needless sources of antagonism. Refrain from criticizing one another in public in suph a man-
(8) Be respectful and courteous to your in-laws but put your own fam ily first in all things. Do all you can to discourage family disloyalty. Be friendly but firm. (9) Plan the family finances to gether. All earn the money together, no matter who gets the pay check. God is a partner in your finances too. Don’t worry about what might have happened if you had married some one else. It could have been worse. Keep your sense of humor. (10) You and God together can meet and solve any problem that life presents. Make the most of your best. The desire to criticize others is often a reflection of our own distraught lives. When we are true to God we we will then be true to ourselves, and when we are true to ourselves we will then be true to others. — Watchman-Examiner
In many cases, the parent himself has been rejected. He has never learned love from his own parents; there fore, he is unable to pass along that which he does not possess. So his own children become nothing more than duty and obligation. Not being able to face his own inadequacies, he masks it with a superficial facade of love. Another reason for a parent’s rejecting his child lies in a pronounced marital problem. Perhaps here is a lack of love between the husband and wife, and the child’s pre sence only adds another burden. The parents may, in turn, project their frustrations onto the child. A financial crisis in the home may represent another obstacle to the parent’s love. Young people who marry before they are mature enough to assume parenthood represent another possible reason. In summary, psychologists usually find that any added stress to a parent who already has problems, may create an over-indulgent attitude. In handling any of these problems, learning the basic feelings of the parent is essential. As in the case of Mrs. Smith, the Christian psychologist will point out that parents should take their example from the Bible. Parents should leam that God loves His children with a pure love and will cor rect them when they err. By so doing, He brings them into a rich and mature appreciation of Himself, others, and a vital self-realization.
This is why a loving parent will help to guide, through correction and kindly discipline, the child’s development. Of course, it is sometimes difficult to discipline a child. However, a youngster must be helped to realize that some of his decisions are incorrect and based solely on his own interests and wants. The child must be taught that he has to live in a world populated by Others. He must earn their love; it is not given to him simply because he is bom. Needless to say, a parent’s love is tested to do that which is contrary to his own preference; that is, to discipline when the child’s behavior demands it. A parent who really loves his child will discipline him because the parent is interested in his child’s ultimate and complete development. By contrast, an over-indulgent parent only loves super ficially, preferring to satisfy his own selfish interest and thus not correcting the erring child. The over- indulgent parent rationalizes that he is good to his child by the lack of discipline he manifests. Nothing could be farther from the truth. As has been stated, the problem rests with the over- indulgent parent. However, just blaming him is not enough. He must be understood and helped. What are some of the reasons that would cause a parent to reject his child? Undoubtedly, there are many, but they main ly fall into the following catagories:
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JU N E , 1963
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