speaking to friends, etc.—the parents should ask what is going on and not be satisfied with ‘nothing’ as an answer.” Research by the National Crime Prevention Council shows that kids who’re cyberbullied often are fearful about going to school, ask to be driven to school rather than take the school bus, skip school when they can get away with it or request permission to leave school early because they feel sick, have trouble focusing and fall behind in their school work, and may even experience a significant drop in their grades. This is often precipitated by problems with sleeping which make it difficult for them to focus on school work. While it’s important to pay close attention to your kids’ general demeanor, pay particularly close attention to their online behavior. Kids who’re cyberbullied tend to be unusually secretive about what they’re doing online, avoiding conversations with their parents about which sites they’re on, who they’re talking to, and the topics of their conversations. If they’re willing to talk to their parents about what they’re doing online at all, they’re likely to get defensive and give vague or dubious-sounding explanations.
parent enters their space, hide, clear or rapidly switch screens, or outright refuse to use their devices unless the parent leaves. They also tend to be unwilling to part with their devices or share them with their parents, fearing that their parents might find out what’s going on. This is especially true in the evening when friends and cyberbullies are most likely to be online. When they are online, kids who’re cyberbullied tend to be visibly agitated or jumpy, especially when they receive a DM, text, or comment from a bully. Their minds are racing with thoughts and emotions as they’re trying to figure out how best to handle the situation without revealing anything to others. They’re also likely to keep checking their computers and phones while going back and forth between different screens in short spurts, say they’re doing homework when they’re really doing something else entirely, and may abruptly shut off or walk away from their devices mid-use for no outwardly apparent reason. Not surprisingly, kids who’re cyberbullied often appear angry or frustrated after they have been online. Some may suddenly and unexpectedly stop going online at all. Others may go online more than usual, unable to
resist the temptation to check whether any new comments have been posted about them. Another possible indication that your kids are the victims of cyberbullying is that they try to cover their “online tracks” such as by erasing their user history folders every time they turn off their devices. You know your kids better than anyone else. Look for multiple signs that seem to go together; they could be an indication that they are the victims of cyberbullying. “The key,” as Dr. Borba says, “is to look for a pattern in your child. You shouldn’t overlook a sudden change that’s not your child’s ‘normal’ behavior.” If something feels different, trust your instincts and take the time to check in with your child. Even if your child isn’t ready to talk right away, letting them know that you are there to listen without judgment can help them feel safe coming to you when they need support. Pay attention, keep the lines of communication open, and remind your child that they never have to handle cyberbullying alone. Your awareness and willingness to listen may be the first step toward helping your child feel safe, supported, and confident in navigating the online world.
Kids who’re cyberbullied often quickly turn off their computers or phones when a
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