The power of nice. MANNERS MATTER.
TERMS
Problems with connection typically start when one person feels disrespected, slighted or cheated out of something. We feel a situation isn’t fair. We feel someone has taken liberties, or is encroaching in our territory in some way. We may feel angry, anxious, embarrassed, bad or wrong. And we respond rudely.
WHAT IS NICENESS?
Simple, gentle manners. Niceness is the ability to be kind, friendly and compassionate in any situation. It is the opposite of a dog eat dog, step on everyone, win at all costs mentality. Heartists bring their powers of niceness to every conversation.
THE ANSWER IS NICENESS.
There’s a simple answer. Simple, gentle manners. Every single time. Be aware that us humans have a bias towards imagining deliberate affronts, and respond with politeness. Being nice makes us feel safe. Watching rudeness is more than a little frightening – our brains are on alert, could this escalate? And the research tells us that if we can respond with grace, every single time, we not only build our Heartist culture, but we also increase our own feelings of wellbeing and improve our mental health.
DIALOGUE
It is the art of thinking together with another person. It starts with deeply listening, like we heard about in Principle Three, but it adds a focus on 'we' before 'me' and a deep desire to reach a shared understanding, versus a desire to win a debate.
98 | FOUR: PEOPLE HATE TO BE WRONG
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