Check out our November newsletter!
HOLCOMB
FAMILY LAW • CRIMINAL DEFENSE • PERSONAL INJURY
Happenings
FAMILY LAW
•
CRIMINAL DEFENSE
•
PERSONAL INJURY
NOVEMBER 2020
1-877-YOU-MATTER
WWW.ATTORNEYHOLCOMB.COM
What if My Spouse Won’t Try Mediation?
RESPONSES TO COMMON EXCUSES
S o, if divorce is going to happen, mediation is almost ALWAYS the best option for handling the divisions — which are also just going to happen. But what if your ex won’t agree to try it? Maybe they are too hurt or too angry. Maybe they are ignorant of the process (and won’t believe you!) or have their head in the sand? Or maybe their lawyer is advising against it.
I need someone to fight for me, to protect my rights. Mediators are trained to educate the parties and to recommend information to give the parties a “leg up” on knowing what they are doing and what to do. This is simply a necessary and normal part of the process. Mediators are also trained to establish and maintain a level playing field at all times during a mediation. I don’t want this divorce, so why should I mediate? First of all, in Virginia, a party can get a divorce even if the other spouse objects. So, if it’s going to happen, even if you don’t want it, it’s still better to be a part of mitigating the impact, gaining clarity, and maintaining some control over the process. Welcome to mediation! I don’t want to sit around for hours in some kind of therapy! I always say that most mediators are very expensive therapists, and most of them are bad at it! Mediation will help communication, but it is NOT marital counseling. In layman’s terms, it is simply a non-adversarial process for dividing your stuff. We can’t talk about ANYTHING, so why should I try to mediate? Well, understand that this is the NORM. If you all could work this out together without professional assistance, you wouldn’t need a mediator or an attorney! An experienced mediator is well trained in the techniques that help parties get through impasses and hardened positions. Most couples CAN walk through this process with help and get to an agreement. Really; we see it ALL the time! If your spouse is not ready, no amount of yelling about it is going to get them there faster! They can talk to us alone if that might help. If he or she is concerned about a particular mediator, there are others around they can choose, and we’ll help. If their resistance is coming from the fact that it’s your idea, and therefore bad, there is neutral information about what we call the Mediation Miracle everywhere on the net. Did I mention that the alternative is long, painful, stressful and so expensive?
What are the common excuses these days?
My lawyer said not to. This is getting more rare. Preparing a divorce case for litigation is long, painful, and expensive and almost always escalates trouble and exacerbates conflict. Who wants that? Did I mention stress, delay, and attorney’s fees? Try this: Ask your spouse to ask their lawyer this question: Will you guarantee me in writing that you will get a better result at trial than I can get in mediation — and for approximately the same fee? There will be either crickets or mumbling … Our case is too complex for mediation. An experienced mediator will be proficient at using your knowledge, his or her knowledge, and the knowledge of other professionals to get to the right answers to equitably divide your estate and to deal with custody and/or support issues. This is what they do. I don’t trust you to be honest! People who lie in court might just as easily lie during mediation. Both processes have methods to uncover these attempts at fraud. There are also professionals — forensic accountants, for example — who can be employed in either mediation or litigation to address this.
WWW.ATTORNEYHOLCOMB.COM | 1
Be a Better Listener for Someone
WHO NEEDS TO ‘GET IT ALL OUT’
It’s not always easy to share feelings of frustration, anger, sadness, or other strong emotions — but it’s healthy to share them. Sometimes, we need to vent and get it all out. Venting gives us an opportunity to release these emotions, which often leads to mental clarity. However, when someone comes to you to vent and share their heavy emotional burden, listening can be just as challenging as sharing. You want to be supportive, but you don’t want to interfere. Strong feelings and tough situations may be involved. What can you do to be the listener they really need? It starts with your body language. Open yourself to their emotional needs. Gregorio Billikopf, an interpersonal relationship expert at the University of California, Berkeley says if you begin the conversation standing, invite the person to have a seat with you. Another thing you can do as a listener is position yourself below their eye line. This puts the person venting in a more active “storyteller” position and you in a better “listener” position. While in this position, maintain eye contact. It’s okay to look down or away occasionally, but try to keep steady eye contact.
What Our Clients Are Saying
“Working with this law firm was a very positive experience. Their conduct was professional, and Mr. Kim, who took our case, gave good advice from the start and helped my family and me navigate through the aftermath of a traumatic event. We also worked with Jessica. She is kind, very down to earth, and a pleasure to work with. Thank you, Jessica, and thank you, Mr. Kim, for resolving our case in such a satisfactory manner! God bless you.”
–Towanda
Billikopf also notes that, as a listener, it’s important to avoid interjecting. Don’t offer input, suggestions, or guidance to the person venting until after the person has had the chance to get it all out. “During this venting process, there is still too much pressure for a person to consider other perspectives,” Billikopf says. While you don’t want to interject, you do want to be an active listener. This means you don’t want to be completely silent. This is where “reflective listening” comes in. Occasionally repeat
“My husband and I used Ms. Nace as our lawyer regarding custody of my husband’s son. She is amazing. She always answered our questions, explained things, and took time to get to know us and our situation. I highly, highly recommend this law firm and her!”
–Anna
“We had the privilege of utilizing Wayne Holcomb's services for a litigation issue that spanned 10 years. He was thorough and quickly acclimated himself to the issues and our needs when he came in after our first attorney left us hanging. We received full payment, all principle and interest, and have been told that the sum we won typically never makes it to completion. Mr. Holcomb knew every course and recourse to take. He kept the lien alive and well, along with an active garnishment. If not for Mr. Holcomb, we would never have won the case.”
what the speaker says — but don’t use their exact phrasing. Reword slightly in a sympathetic manner. Don’t spin their words or mistakenly interject an opinion, as it may not be the opinion they’re interested in hearing. Alternatively, listening cues like “mm” or “hm” and nods are always welcome. One last thing to keep in mind: You do not need to offer a solution to the person’s problem or concerns. They may just be venting to get their negative emotions out, not looking for answers or explanations. If they are looking for answers or guidance, wait for them to ask. In the meantime, lend your ear and let them know you’re there for them going forward.
–Shirley
2 | 877-YOU-MATTER
The 3 Worst (and Most Dangerous) Driving Habits on American Roads Today Virginia roads aren’t always dangerous, but we’ve all seen drivers who have a habit of disregarding the rules of the road and common courtesy. There are times when you’re commuting or running errands and you want to pull your hair out. Of course, there are bad drivers all over the country, and their habits can result in severe injury or death. Here are three examples of those habits: Left Lane Coasting Most drivers know the left lane is intended to be used as a passing lane, but some drivers love to make it their personal lane, even at the risk of being pulled over. It only makes matters worse when they aren’t driving any faster than the rest of traffic, which prevents other drivers from passing. Some drivers try to move things along by flashing their brights or honking, but that doesn’t always work. Drivers who clog up the left lane slow the flow of traffic and increase the risk of an accident. Closing the Gap When merging or turning, most of us use our turn signal. However, there are some drivers who see turn signals as a threat — really! They see you want in, so they speed up to close the gap, making it dangerous to merge. To make things worse, you now have to slow down to merge. When you slow down, the person behind you has to slow too, which causes a ripple effect. This is how traffic
jams are created — all because someone didn’t want to lose their precious spot in traffic.
Tailgating This is one of the most dangerous driving behaviors. According to the National Highway Traffic Safety
Administration, tailgating is the cause of about 23% of all rear-end collisions. The danger increases significantly if the driver is tailgating while intoxicated. Driving under the influence dulls reaction time, so if the driver in front brakes, it can easily lead to disaster.
If you’re involved in an accident due to someone else’s reckless driving and negligence, call us at (757) 509-7832 . We’re here to help you in your time of need and to get you the compensation you deserve.
Yoshi and Sonic
FESTIVE APPLE CIDER
If your family is full of video game lovers, they’re probably familiar with two of the most famous animals in video game history: Yoshi and Sonic. But what about their backstories?
Inspired by BoulderLocavore.com
Yoshi T. Yoshisaur Munchakoopas is the full name of the Nintendo’s dinosaur-like character, according to the company’s character guide from 1993. Yoshi’s inspiration comes from the 1984 video game Devil World, which featured green lizards that eat enemies with their large mouths and emit Yoshi’s signature giggle when they hatch. Sonic You could say that randomNewYorkers chose this hedgehog’s ultimate design. When Sega created a flagship series to rival Nintendo’s Mario, game designer Naoto Ohshima took character sketches with himon a trip to the Big Apple where he asked randompassersby in Central Park to choose a design. The spiky blue hedgehog won.
If you’re cutting back on calories, skip the eggnog and buttered rum this year and fill up your mug with this delicious mulled cider!
Ingredients
•
2 tsp allspice berries
•
1 lemon
•
1 inch fresh ginger, thinly sliced
•
1 gallon pure apple cider
•
2 tbsp honey
•
1 large orange, thinly sliced crosswise
•
3 cinnamon sticks
•
2 tsp whole cloves
As you can see, these famous characters’ origin stories are just as unique as the characters themselves.
Directions
1. Using a paring knife, shave the lemon peel off in curls. Reserve the curls and save the lemon for use in a different recipe. 2. In a large slow cooker, combine the lemon peel with all other ingredients. Cook on low for 3–4 hours. 3. If desired, use a sieve to strain the spices. Serve and enjoy!
DO NOT HIRE A FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY! (Until You Have Read This Book)
Get your free e-book today! https://bit.ly/2TDqxoN
WWW.ATTORNEYHOLCOMB.COM | 3
PRST STD US POSTAGE PAID BOISE, ID PERMIT 411
FAMILY LAW • CRIMINAL DEFENSE • PERSONAL INJURY 501 VILLAGE AVE., SUITE 104 • YORKTOWN/NEWPORT NEWS, VA 23693 Inside What if My Spouse Won’t Try Mediation? 1
877-YOU-MATTER
WWW.ATTORNEYHOL COMB.COM
How to Be a Better Listener for Someone in Need
2
What Our Clients Are Saying
2
The Worst Driving Habits You’ll See Today
3
Festive Apple Cider
3
What to Do After an Accident
4
You’ve been in a car accident. What do you do next? You may be disoriented, in shock, or injured, but there are several crucial steps you need to take. 1. Immediately after the accident, take care of yourself and any passengers who might be injured. Then take pictures of all damaged vehicles as well as any wounds or injuries you or others have sustained, if possible. 2. Do not make statements to anyone about your injuries. Without professional care, you may be completely oblivious to certain injuries after a wreck. Often, pain doesn’t set in until later, after your adrenaline has subsided. You may seem fine right after the wreck, but later on, the reality may be very different. 3. See a physician ASAP and without exception. Even if you think you feel fine or are only a little 7 Things You
Need to Do After a Car Accident
sore, visit a doctor and get checked out. Again, issues tend to pop up in the days following the accident. Don’t skip out on vital care. 4. Contact your insurance company to establish a claim and contact the other driver's insurance company. Never assume the other party is going to do any of this. 5. Keep constant tabs on how you feel. Write down every detail, including aches and pains. These details may be helpful as you build a case. 6. Make and keep your treatment appointments. Your doctor’s office keeps track of everything. They know when you skip or reschedule appointments. Skipping out can be very detrimental to your case, regardless of the reason behind the missed appointments.
7. Speak with an attorney. Whether you call from the side of the road or from your home the following day, an attorney will guide you through the next steps. Tell them the facts of the accident and what your treatment plan is and show them all the pictures you took. Some cases might not need an attorney, but most do. Navigating the legal maze after an accident isn’t easy, and we are more than happy to help you through this difficult process.
4 | 877-YOU-MATTER
Published by Newsletter Pro . www.NewsletterPro.com
Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4Made with FlippingBook - professional solution for displaying marketing and sales documents online