Vol 11. Edition 6
News from CannaTown
Page 11
Cannatown Science
THIS SEASON, LIKE, GIVE YOUR BFF MY MAGICAL AMULET
Hey there dabberinos! You know I’m not one to usually toot my own horn (it’s my Grandpa’s old cornet and sounds like shit, with that broken mouthpiece) but this time I’m de nitely on to something huge. Hold on, let me grab my roach clip. I was just perusin' the ol’ internay the other day, when I realized, all those stupid human trick memes about Russell Brand and his magical amulet turned out to be true! Not only that, but he took my idea about selling alot of amulets out of my garage, in all those huge boxes? Well, not that exact idea, but he got the amulet part right! And here I just thought he was taking his famous bit to the next level! But I digress homedawgs, because it made me realize, now’s the time to get my amulets back on the market! Of course I couldn’t gure out how to make a bunch of cool, like, artwork for necklaces and shit, so I decided to make mine really organic, like, caveman style . First I took a handful of gravel, and handful of sand, and mixed them together in a bowl of microwaved marshmallows. ey also have some, like, electromagnetic powers in there, or something, maybe because of the refrigerator magnets I stuck in the food processor and tossed in too. Sorry about your food processor, by the way, Dale. en I scooped a bunch into clumps to dry and covered them with glitter and embedded some dollar store toy jewels. I think maybe a little ganja and ash, and probably a few hairs, and maybe a few drops of beer maybe got in there too. But the amulet is solid. It’s not go- ing anywhere. Might smell just a hair. And then I took em to my next door neigh- bor, I think I told you about him already, the Shaman? Yea I was once into blessing and do- ing spells and shit like he does, because it was a whole mail order kit and you had to do some stu, like read this whole manual. I was like, I can’t even say the word divination, much less
By Hugh Jollydab
hold a fancy stick the same way twice. So then this Shaman dude did a whole bunch of spells and what not. His cat also started eatin' one, so that was a whole thing. But, like, so I have these huge ol’ boxes of amulets because we did this for hours. It was a couple years ago, and we had time to burn, and, I can’t remember, there was some u or somethin’ nasty going around. I mean, you know, like, big boxes. Just sittin' there! And now amulets are just, in ? Do you real- ize how good this is? ey might not cure cancer or instill peace but Shaman dude told me they should at least cure some little stu, like pink eye or maybe a mild itch, or like, heartbreak from a person dying, in a movie. You might feel like, this divine bliss if you wear it too, but I’m actually starting to think that’s the ValuSesh tay I ate an hour ago. is isn't voodoo, man, this is a real amulet. Get it for your BFF! At least, it can't be any more unreal than Russell Brand's. And I shudder to think of what all he put in his.
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