J.C. body image
“Am I ‘white’ or am I ‘black,’ how am I both at once?”
“My body is average. I am shorter than most of my friends — just under 5’3”. I have fairly long legs and arms and then a ‘bubble’ butt. It’s hard to find a right fit in pants because my waist and backside are not proportionate. Most of the time, I wear my hair up in a messy bun simply because I’m not sure what to do with it. I have long black hair that is extremely curly and wavy. If I were to leave it down, I feel like I may have an unruly afro. I have only worn makeup a few times. I am not sure exactly how to find the right look for myself and to be really honest I don’t know if I like the feeling of it on my face. I am biracial. My biological father is African American and my moth- er is Caucasian, but I lean toward having darker skin. I tend to stay in loose athletic clothing because I am not comfortable with myself. I try on clothes that I would want to wear, but I am scared that they aren’t right for me and I am scared that others might think they aren’t right for me. I play it very safe.” “Sixth grade is the first time I can remember feeling inse- cure about myself. Other girls were getting into makeup and wanting to shop for ‘cool’ or ‘pretty’ things and I didn’t know how to do that kind of thing. So I felt left out. That was the first time I really started feeling outside of the box, being biracial. I have never really felt comfortable with who I am, in my own skin. Am I ‘white’ or am I ‘black,’ how am I both at once?”
“I live in a small town known for being very prejudice toward non-white people of any kind. Though my teachers, family and friends have always been kind to me, and never pointed it out, it is hard when you are at school, or community functions and you overhear things. Honestly, at times, it has made me feel like trash. Who can I date? I’m not sure. Since there is a small — a very small — percentage of biracial or other black families living in my town, I’ve been confused. I know I stand out everywhere I go. And even if they are not realizing it, I feel the stares. I have even felt like my mom has been judged by others when they see us together.” “This past year has been better at school; it felt like my race didn’t seem to mat- ter as much. Because of finally being noticed, I have enjoyed the positive attention. It would be nice if I con- tinued to find more confidence in my- self, so everyone can see me for who I really am. The only thing I can do is to try to constantly remind myself that it is okay to be different.”
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