American Consequences - March 2021


By AndrewAmundson

We don’t have any proctologists on staff at American Consequences , but we still know an a**hole when we see one. The only problem is that there are so many in America. There’s such a toxic ocean of idiotic, petulant, sociopathic, hypocritical candidates, it’s a chore to find the crowning one each month... Which sphincter will hold the scepter? But at American Consequences , we’ve dug through the trough, like truffle pigs in reverse, finding you the worst of the worst... And remember, if you’re having an awful day (or year), rejoice in the fact that at least you’re not this person .

Former Speaker of the House John Boehner once gave him the adorable nickname of “Lucifer in the flesh.” And Lindsey Graham has gushed, “If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you.” Five stars, Ted.

THEWINNER (LOSER) FOR THIS MONTH? TED CRUZ For as long as anyone can remember, Ted Cruz has been an a**hole. But not just the standard kind you can order up on Amazon prime. The Texas Senator has honed and owned this identity for years, a veritable master of the game, spinelessly hacking and flailing his way through American politics for years now. Whether he’s hyping up the Capitol Siege MAGA crowd on January 6 or hamming it up on the CPAC stage in February, Cruz is an absolute star of the GOP. And as such, he has always garnered rave reviews from fellow Republicans.


The blustering Cruz loves a good filibuster. In 2013, he spent nearly a whole day on the Senate floor blathering against the Affordable Care Act and, yes, reciting Green Eggs and Ham , thereby ruining Dr. Seuss forever (more on America’s favorite children’s author later).


March 2021

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