together, the husband did forgive her. His wife has been very devoted to him since then and has made every effort to prove that she does sincerely love him. He came to me, asking whether he had done the right thing— to forgive her—and how to get the shock of that evening off his mind. He can’t forget. Can you help me to help this husband? A. The experience which you men tion here is a devastating one. It will, of course, remain in this man’s mind as long as he lives. The wife has sinned against God and against her own husband. God will forgive the sin, but the scars may linger. This is the tragedy of sin. The Bible says, “ Be sure your sin will find you out.” God also says, “ The way of the transgressor is hard.” Although this woman would like to smooth everything over, this is difficult. True, in time undoubtedly they can have a reasonably happy mar riage, but it may never be what it might have been. As a counselor, you must allow a long period of time for this husband to overcome his feelings. Naturally, you can lead him into a close walk with the Lord so that God will take away the sting. But you must be patient with this man and encour age him to have several counseling sessions with you so that eventually he will have talked out the entire problem and will have resolved it in his own heart and mind. The basis for his forgetting and forgiving lies in the fact that God, through Christ, has forgiven the husband of all his sin. How can we, then, who have been forgiven of so much, fail to forgive others? Merely telling this to the husband is not enough. It should be thought out and discussed in detail.
Here are several tips to improve your memory: 1. You can develop techniques of memorizing, learning and remember ing. For example, read things sev eral times. I often take a red pencil and mark certain items in an article or a page manuscript. Then I review those points just marked. 2. Jot things down. Mrs. Smith, for example, has never learned to “ use a pencil,” so she goes around the house trying to remember every thing. But Mrs. Jones, who lives next door, is organized. She keeps note paper in the living room as well as in the kitchen. Then she jots down little things throughout the day and she doesn’t have to carry them in her head. All business peo ple do this. At my own office I use a “ remembering pad.” I jot these things down and as the day goes on I glance at the pad. It reminds me of tasks that must be done. 3. Another factor which concerns memorization is association. We know that with advanced age there is a tendency to forget. This is normal and natural. We commit this to the Lord. We do not think anything strange is happening to us when we forget a little more easily as we get older. W ITH ANOTHER M A N Q. I am a leader in my church and consequently people frequently come to me with their problems. Not long ago, a husband came to me stating that upon returning from a meeting one evening, he found his wife with another man. He said that he loved and still does love his wife. He also said that she said she loved him and knew she had sinned against God and against her husband. She said she felt she had no right to a#k him to forgive her; but after they prayed
I'M FORGETFUL Q. I’d like very much to come to your Counseling Center in Pasadena. I feel you could help me. I’m getting so very forgetful. Can anything he done for that? I’m 67 and so very nervous and tense much of the time. I love to read, but to remember what I have read is almost impossi ble. I have to read it again and again to get the thoughts settled in my mind. A. Many people have this same prob lem. All of us forget at times, re gardless of our age. Here are some reasons why any of us at any age might forget: 1. We’re too tired. Have you no ticed that when you are tired, you forget easily? The person who gets more sleep and rest is more likely to remember better. 2. We tend to forget when we become too busy. In other words, when we have too many things on our mind we let some o f them slip. It is impossible for the human mind to carry too great a load at once. Consequently, when we become en tangled with a multitude of activi ties, we find ourselves forgetting easily. 3. We forget because we have not really learned well what we are at tempting to remember. Memorizing is actually thorough learning. 4. Another hindrance to good mem ory is emotional preoccupation. So often we forget because our atten tion is turned to something else. We see this, for example, with students. One may be preoccupied with his parents’ impending divorce, another with trying to develop some skill or being a better athlete. The results— he is unable to give his full atten tion to what he is trying to remem ber.
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