No, I don’t. After 50 years of being a reporter covering oppression, persecution, discrimination, prejudice, inequality, unfairness, and all bad things (plus the occasional bright side of life, such as the 2011 space shuttle launch at Cape Canaveral), I just don’t understand any of it. If I understood how to fix all bad things, I’d be king of the world. And if I understood the space shuttle, I’d be head of NASA... But I’m only a reporter. I’m aware , all right. For one thing, I’m aware that it would be nice if the kids stopped saving the world for a minute and helped do the dishes. Although what I’m mainly aware of is that bad things mostly lead to worse things, fine sentiments be damned. The road to you- know-where is paved with you-know-what. What I’m mainly aware of is that bad things
About their protests, for example. We have had protests, even out here in the backwoods of New Hampshire. Most of the protests have taken place in a nearby painfully cute little town with a fair-sized community of “sandal and candle” types. I’m not sure for whose benefit these protests are staged since the town is about as ethnically diverse as Augusta National Golf Club. Anyway, my youngest kid, who doesn’t have his driver’s license yet, wanted me to give him a ride to the protest... “Wait a sec,” I said, “Let me grab my MAGA cap.” He was pretty certain I was kidding, but I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t sure . His older sisters had already left. I’d been tempted to slap a “Defund the Police” bumper sticker on their car – just to see how they’d fare with the Highway Patrol. But I restrained myself. I have, however, proposed a “Defund the Youth” movement. I checked the Department of Justice statistics and 41% of murders and 53% of robberies are committed by youths under the age of 25. I told the kids, “I’m donating your allowances to the Biden campaign.” (People that are Joe’s age commit... oh, I don’t know... I’m too close to Joe’s age to remember what percentage of crimes they commit, but let’s just say that you have to scroll way, way down the DoJ crime stats table until you get to “Taking Someone Else’s Walker From the Nursing Care Facility TV Room” column before a significant number shows up.)
mostly lead to worse things, fine sentiments be damned. The road to you-know- where is paved with you-know-what.
I’ve tried pointing out to the kids that telling everybody what good opinions you have is just telling everybody what a good opinion you have of yourself. You might as well go around saying, “My, what a delightful person I am. Oh, I’m so wonderful. Gosh, I’m swell.” They look at me like I’m an opinionated old fart. Which I am. So I’ve given up reasoning with the kids. Now I just tease them...
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July 2020
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