January, 1940
14
TH E K I N G ’ S B U S I N E S S
were both strange gods in the eyes of God. And now a song of praise to his strange god was required of him, and there was only one song he knew. His voice suddenly shrilled out through the sick room, startling the nurse and Emily as they hovered anxiously near at hand: “I love me! I love me! I’m wild about myself!” “Oh, Frank! Don’t! Please don’t!” sobbed Emily, very far away. “But I must, Emily,” he protested petulantly. “Don’t you see the picture there on my shelf? I have to sing: " ‘I love me! I love me! There’s my picture-on-my-shelf!” ' His voice suddenly trailed away into silence. Then he looked up at the picture and saw an astonishing thing. For now the picture, though himself unmistakably, nevertheless had the evilly handsome eyes of Lucifer, son of the morning, and he saw even out of the murk of his delirium that “whoso putteth himself in the place of God” is really putting there Satan, the tempter of the world, the enemy of God, the enemy of the Saviour of the world. And suddenly Frank Bran don knew himself to be a sinner and cried aloud in awful anguish. “ Oh God! Forgive! Help! Help!” The nurse thought that he was in pain and gave him a soothing powder till he slept. ’ But Emily upon her knees beside the bed was praying! She thought that he was dying, and she prayed, really pray ed, perhaps for the first time in her life. A long time afterward he awoke in the dim quiet of the sick room. Emily and the nurse were hovering in silence not far away, awaiting the outcome. Suddenly the hush of the room was broken once more by song. It was a thin high thread of a voice, burned out with fever, and quavering with weak ness. "Oh — to—be — saved from myself — dear Lord! Oh—to—be—lost in Thee! Oh—that it might be—no—more—I, But Christ—that lives—in—me!’’ At the first breath Emily crept to his side and knelt, slipping her hand into the thin white hand that lay so feebly on the coverlet. But the feeble fingers held her own in a weak pressure, and the shadow of a smile trembled over his lips as he said faintly, pausing for breath: “Isn’t that what we want it to be, dear — from — now — on? Christ— in—us?” “Oh, yes,” she answered softly, “just His will! Frank, dearest, do you know, it was not until I handed you over to Him, and prayed ‘Not my will, but Thine be done,’ that He gave you back to me, and you began to get better.” It was very quiet in the room while a soft understanding passed from one
ways urged them not to drag. “Make it snappy!” he used to say. Never be fore had the words meant a thing to him. Now they thrilled through him like an alien prayer in which his lips were forced to join, but his soul was full of wild rebellion, struggling to keep Self on its shrine. He did the proper thing at the dose of the meeting: shook hands with the preacher and those active in the con ference; told them how sorry he was that his other dates had prohibited his being present at every session, said how wonderful the meeting had been, and how much he knew he had missed; told them to count on him for anything he could do to keep up the spirit of the conference. And then suddenly he real ized that nobody was listening to him. Nobody seemed to haye noticed his ab sence nor to be especially delighted that he was here tonight. They seemed to take it for granted that anybody would be there who could! Finally with a sick sense that he could not stand much more and ought to be in bed, he hunted up Emily be hind her post and hurried home. Some time in the night he awoke to the knowledge that he was very ill in deed. His body was on fire with fever and yet shivering with cold. His eyes were burning, his head was throbbing, his limbs aching unbearably and his throat swollen almost shut. Emily was up doing things for him, asking him wearisome questions that he did not want to answer. There were hot-water bags about him and an ice bag on his head. A doctor was there somewhere in the dimness of things. Was that possibly a nurse in the offing ? And Emily beside the bed on her knees sobbing—it might even be praying. It all wearied him inexpressibly and he wandered off into a strange place of fire and ice. He did not want to go, but it seemed some duty was compelling him, and then he saw before him shrines, his and Emily’s. They were like two wooden alcoves on the clear icy pave ment, with shelves above a kneeling place, and pictures in costly frames up on the shelves, and haloes over the pic tures. He stepped closer to see the pic ture in his own shrine and found it was a likeness of himself! He was startled to notice what a proud and haughty expression he wore—hard, worldly! Was he like that? And did God search it out and see it? He looked again and now he saw there was sin in his face. Actual sin! Heartsick he stepped aside to see what picture was in Emily’s shrine, and lo, it was not her own likeness that was there, but another picture of his own haughty self with a self-satisffed smile upon his face. He wondered in his fev ered brain whether in the eyes of God it was any better for a woman to have her husband in God’s place rather than herself. He dimly perceived that they
W IL L YOU HELP— — Sponsor a Student? • STUDENTS . . . Young men and women are desiring to p r e p a r e for Christian service at home or on the mission field, but m a n y do not have the means. • STEWARDS . . . The air is full of voices, and there are many trumpets of uncertain sound. Many spu rious claims are laid upon the Lord’s money. It should be refreshing and comforting assurance to Christian stewards that they may have a practical and very necessary part in the work of the Bible Institute of Los Angeles. The school offers an oppor tunity for investment in stu dent training for definite Christian service. Your prayers and your gifts are greatly needed and earnestly invited. For further details address: The Bible Institute of Los Angeles Incorporated 55S So. Hope St., JLos Angeles, Calif. hand to the other, and then tenderly two voices Instead of one quavered out into the silence again. “Have Thine own way, Lord, have Thine own way! Hold o’er my being absolute sway! Fill with Thy Spirit till all shall see Christ only, always, living in me!” The nurse was standing just outside the door listening to see whether she would be needed, and now she turned away with a strange mistiness in her eyes, saying softly to herself: "Well, those two must have been real after all! I didn’t think they were!” [Th e End~\ Wherever He may guide me, No want shall turn me back;
My Shepherd is beside me, And nothing can I lack. His wisdom ever waketh, His sight is never dim— He knows the way He taketh, And I will walk with Him.
—A. L. Waring.
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