encouraged her to go back home. During the 2nd go round, after she left again, God spoke to Hagar, and then provided for her and her son. She called God, “The One Who Sees.” For me, the story of Abraham’s concubine, Hagar, illustrated that God exists and God cares about hurting women. Not only that, but also from these texts, it hints that, maybe, he sews his purposes into specific timelines. It’s as though, from many Biblical accounts of ancient people that I’ve read, God is weaving this huge tapestry in the Heavens, and that all we see are the loose threads. I’ve been fascinated with the lineage of Christ. If followed closely, it is easy to see patterns. God appears to place people in certain places at certain times, uses calamities to further the well-being of those who trust Him, and even the rise and fall of world leaders move his purposes forward. I was so entranced by this visual historical thread, that I once wrote my first novel about it, and called it “The Golden Thread.” For many women, the fear of the unknown traps us into staying much longer in a destructive relationship, than is healthy. In this account, God relayed his future plans for both, to Hagar and her son, Ishmael. God promised Hagar’s son, Ishmael, that he would become a great man with his own kingdom, thus, Hagar and Ishmael both had a purpose and a future. Like Hagar, I fled my first marriage, determined to never return. But, strangely, through a series of prompts, like those given to her, it seemed that my path was to include going back to that marriage. I returned, but escaped, pregnant with my youngest child, five years later. It seems that this was God’s purpose, that she be born, so I don’t regret enduring those tumultuous five years. You might ask, “Where was God in all the pain and confusion?” I believe that God has supernatural power to change anything, and he often answers our prayers to intervene. Yet why, other times he doesn’t, we don’t know. I am convinced, from experience, that Prayer changes things. Okay, so, let’s discuss how relationships work. We know that when two elements in science are combined, they always produce a compound. When we join, long-term,
began to speak in a hushed tone – so my husband wouldn’t hear me. Shocked, I saw tears well up in my companion’s eyes and spill down her cheeks, as she cried for me, saying, “This is not the way marriage is supposed to be…” Even after that incident, I still sought truth, trying to understand how a person who claims to love their partner could sadistically try to harm them. Countless hours were spent praying, weeping, trying to get the take on this difficult topic that would best line up with my values as a Christ follower.
I had so many questions. What would justify ripping my
So, how do we know when what we are enduring is abuse – especially if we aren’t being physically hit?
marriage apart, trying to protect myself? After all, weren’t wives supposed to be the guardians of the family? It honestly felt as if I was deciding to abort my family, to kill something alive! I devoured the pitifully few books that explored divorce and remarriage in the early 1980’s, and then turned to the sacred Scriptures of the Bible for insight. Sarah, Patriarch Abraham’s first wife in Old Testament texts, (Genesis, chapters 16 and 21), had a concubine (his 2nd wife) named Hagar. Jealous with envy over Hagar’s bearing a child, Sarah became abusive of Hagar. In that instance, this concubine left twice. The first time, a heavenly being interrupted her exit and
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