WHAT DOES SUCCESS MEAN TO YOU?
There’s an old saying in our industry, one that I think can do a lot of damage if left unexamined: “No one wins in a divorce.” I understand where this sentiment is coming from. The end of a relationship certainly doesn’t feel like a victory, especially in the moment. But we shouldn’t think of marriage — or any relationship, for that matter — in terms of “wins” and “losses.” We’re not talking about a game. We’re talking about people’s lives. The phrase lacks nuance. It’s reductive and seems to imply that deciding to get a divorce is tantamount to losing. Too often, people stay in toxic marriages out of fear of this sort of stigma — that to end the relationship would mean admitting failure. That’s why we need to stop thinking about “winning” and start thinking about finding success. What success looks like after a divorce is truly up to you and your goals. For some, it may be co- parenting responsibly, striving toward a personal or professional goal, or taking some much-needed time to yourself. Every relationship is different, and so are our definitions of success. Even simply having a plan for life after divorce can be a great accomplishment. That’s why my team and I strive to guide the women we represent to see beyond the immediate. Yes, a relationship is coming to a close, but in its place, there will always be room to grow and strive toward a brighter future. You get to set your own goals and decide what success looks like for you. For me, success means continuing to grow as a person; I never want to feel stagnant in my thoughts or ideas. That’s why I’ve set aside more time for myself, whether that means exercising, reading a book, or attending a seminar.
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No matter what your own goals are, setting aside the time to pursue them is easier said than done. I had a hard time recognizing and planning for my own needs in the past. I think a lot of women are brought up to put others before ourselves, even if no one explicitly tells us to do so. Looking back at my life, I was surrounded by strong but self- sacrificing women who acted as the nurturers and the communicators in the family because that’s how society saw their roles. It’s easy to fall into those same patterns without thinking about it. As women, we need to stop putting ourselves last. Self-care is important, not only for personal improvement but for the people we care about — you can give more by giving to yourself. However you define success, inside or outside of marriage, it’s important that your goals are your own. If our team can help you get there, that’s a win in our books.
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Here’s to your success,
“EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS DIFFERENT, AND SO ARE OUR DEFINITIONS OF SUCCESS. EVEN SIMPLY HAVING A PLAN FOR LIFE AFTER DIVORCE CAN BE A GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENT.”
-Heather Qu ick
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