“How do you say “quitter” in German?”
How do you say “quitter” in German? The final pressing email asks me and the answer is—I don’t know. It could be a simple aufgeben , give up. It could be Drückebergerin , shirker—slacker. Or even Feigling . Coward.
Duo doubts my bravery as I spend the solitary task of deciding which painfully attached belongings of my father are worth me bothering to keep. What I donate to someone else in the hopes they fall in love with my trash. What I throw away, hoping it dissolves in the Michigan landfill like we all will once in the ground. Sorry. That was harsh. START A LESSON. Like it knows me. Like we are friends. Like it is a father scolding me about grades or math homework or not graduating with honors. Like it's earned the right. Like I didn’t notice the circling raptors over the trees at the farm across the manmade lake. Like I can’t feel the air pressure drop like it wants to rain. Weiß die Eule, dass es enttäuschend ist? Does the owl know it’s disappointing? Does it know its little green notifications hit me when I find a letter from my mother about missing him while he was at war. Does it know that it vibrates when I find the VA notices in 1997 that says that already his battalion in the gulf was experiencing chronic fatigue, PTSD, headaches? Does it know I check my email when I don’t know how to read his letter to his father that says “I know I am not the son you wanted,” in handwriting I’ll never see again. Buy back your streak today! I’m folding the four hundred dollars cash we got from the truck, because thems was some good tires on it, into the donation envelope for Hospice of Michigan. You’ll never hear me talk bad about a Chevy. My dad drove it for 20 years and as one of his possessions that he broke, I know how hard he was on his things. Lights still come on and everything, hole in the floor but you could drive it off the lot, just be sure to read the signs that say BRIDGE ICES BEFORE ROAD. It’s not too late. Isn’t it, Duo? If anything were final, wouldn’t it be this? I was supposed to answer more prayers, solve more problems, be more of something he could understand. And now I’m making eye contact with a man’s entire life, with every piece of paper he kept.
Eule, kannst du mich helfen? You’re losing your place, Duo. Don’t lose your streak now…●
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