P.J. O’Rourke Response: Steve, if I remember my Charles Dickens right, the answer Oliver got was, “The master aimed a blow at Oliver’s head with the ladle... “You’ll get no such unfriendly response from me. I’m glad to provide more political humor for as long as I can. (Indeed, with one kid still in college and another on his way there, I have no choice.) And I’m flattered to be compared to Art Buchwald, one of the first and most worthwhile influences on my writing. If any reader happens to be unacquainted with Buchwald’s work, I suggest Googling “Art Buchwald Thanksgiving Column,” a classic, written in 1953 where Art – then based in Paris – tries to explain Thanksgiving to the French.
idea to farm raise future politicians, that doesn’t do us much good when dealing with the current crop. But after some diligent research, I’ve come across a foolproof way to tell the difference between Good Politicians and Bad Politicians. It turns out that Bad Politicians all end up using the same phrase early on in their career, marking them as self-interested scumbags who should never be trusted. Good Politicians never use this phrase. Ever. The phrase? “I hereby declare myself a candidate for the position of ____________” (you can fill in the blank with anything from Short Arm Inspector to President of the United States. It works the same with all). If the politician you are considering has now or ever used that phrase, they should be instantly disqualified from ever holding public office. Those who remain should be politely asked if they wouldn’t mind keeping an eye on the shop for a couple of years while we run to the bank and maybe grab a burger on the way back. Good ones don’t mind helping out a friend in a pinch. – Jeff H. P.J. O’Rourke Response: Jeff, that’s going to be a tough test for politicians to pass. In fact, your test is so tough that every politician might flunk it. That would leave us with no politicians at all. What would America do without politicians? I mean other than be richer, happier, and more responsible and self-reliant? P.J. has always excelled at political humor, but this November 30th poke at politicians superseded anything anyone has written since the days of Art Buchwald. To quote Oliver Twist, “Please, sir, may I have some more?” – Steve M.
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It’s been a while since sitting in the woods waiting to drop a deer or shooting ducks on wing. PJ O’Rourke’s commentary on hunting, genetics, and politics was the laugh I needed right about now. – Ed E. P.J. O’Rourke Response: Thank you, Ed. Non- hunters may not understand, but there’s something about hunting that fundamentally makes for good storytelling. Which gives me an excuse to tell the story of the only time I ever shot a green-winged teal double. (They’re
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