MALL SANTA
THE EVOLUTION OF THE DEPARTMENT-STORE SANTA Sadly, I cannot track down photo evidence of the first department-store Santa, or whether or not he bombed the picture. Macy’s claims to have invented the idea in 1861 and bestowed their marketing materials with slogans like “The Home of Santa” for years. (In 2020, the store has opted to close down its famed Santaland and is offering a virtual experience instead.) However, a 1991 Yankee article uncovered the North Pole- shattering story of “Colonel Jim” Edgar, a Massachusetts merchant who claims to have beaten Macy’s to the punch in bizarre fashion. It says Edgar was actually the first department-store Santa... almost 30 years after Macy’s, in 1890. Confused? Me, too. The article clarifies that “Colonel Jim” merely updated Macy’s more rustic look and was simply the first guy to dress in the iconic red suit and beard made famous in those Thomas Nast drawings. We’re splitting some serious reindeer hairs here, but that evolution of the department-store Santa is important to note. One thing that hasn’t changed is how children react upon meeting him. As one man reminisced of his 1890 encounter with Edgar, “I remember walking down an aisle, and all of a sudden, right in front of me, I saw Santa Claus. I couldn’t believe my eyes. And then Santa came up and started talking to me. It was a dream come true.”
VIRTUAL SANTA Father Christmas is still making dreams come true today, even if that dream involves being insulted by Iago from Aladdin. For $150, you can get a personalized Christmas video from Gilbert Gottfried wearing a hilariously ill-fitting Santa suit that looks like something a Salvation Army bell ringer threw in the trash. For about three minutes, Gottfried’s distinctive vocal-chords-against-a-cheese- grater voice will wish you a happy holiday or even roast you with classic Christmas lines like, “I could fit all my reindeer up your ass.”
“I could fit all my reindeer up your ass.” Gilbert "Santa" Gottfried
Regardless of your taste in scatological Rudolph humor, Gottfried (and Cameo, the platform which hosts him) might actually be on to something. Forget plexiglass shields and drive-in St. Nick concerts desperately trying to rekindle some lost Christmas normalcy – the silver lining of our COVID-19 Christmas is online. Keeping Santa further away might actually bring the big guy closer to our kids.
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December 2020
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