Be a Better Listener for Someone Who Needs to ‘Get It All Out’
It’s not always easy to share feelings of frustration, anger, sadness, or other strong emotions — but it’s healthy to share them. Sometimes, we need to vent and get it all out. Venting gives us an opportunity to release these emotions, which often leads to mental clarity. However, when someone comes to you to vent and share their heavy emotional burden, listening can be just as challenging as sharing. You want to be supportive, but you don’t want to interfere. Strong feelings and tough situations may be involved. What can you do to be the listener they really need? It starts with your body language. Open yourself to their emotional needs. Gregorio Billikopf, an interpersonal relationship expert at the University of California, Berkeley says if you begin the conversation standing, invite the person to have a seat with you. Another thing you can do as a listener is position yourself below their eye line. This puts the person venting in a more active “storyteller” position and you in a better “listener” position. While in this position, maintain eye contact. It’s okay to look down or away occasionally, but try to keep steady eye contact.
Billikopf also notes that, as a listener, it’s important to avoid interjecting. Don’t offer input, suggestions, or guidance to the person venting until after the person has had the chance to get it all out. “During this venting process, there is still too much pressure for a person to consider other perspectives,” Billikopf says. While you don’t want to interject, you do want to be an active listener. This means you don’t want to be completely silent. This is where “reflective listening” comes in. Occasionally repeat what the speaker says — but don’t use their exact phrasing. Reword slightly in a sympathetic manner. Don’t spin their words or mistakenly interject an opinion, as it may not be the opinion they’re interested in hearing. Alternatively, listening cues like “mm” or “hm” and nods are always welcome. One last thing to keep in mind: You do not need to offer a solution to the person’s problem or concerns. They may just be venting to get their negative emotions out, not looking for answers or explanations. If they are looking for answers or guidance, wait for them to ask. In the meantime, lend your ear and let them know you’re there for them going forward.
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And Reap the Benefits, Too
current tax code remain through its projected sunset date of 2026. Learn more about DAFs from a trusted CPA before attempting this giving tactic. Tip No. 3: Donate Part of Your IRA
As we celebrate with our loved ones and get together to mark the end of another year, many are looking to give back to their communities and help others. Our team at Sheppard Law Firm would like to offer three tips to help you navigate giving back and optimizing current tax laws before the new year — a year capped off by an election and new lawmakers set to take over in 2021. Tip No. 1: Ensure Your Donation Matters With so many organizations and charities to donate to, it can be overwhelming to find a nonprofit that is both beneficial to the community and your tax bill. To determine if your charity of choice fulfills both of these requirements, verify them with the IRS Tax Exemption Organization tool and check their credibility through Charity Navigator, the Better Business Bureau, or similar sources. These platforms offer the peace of mind that your donation will be used well and can be beneficial for you as well. Tip No. 2: Create Donor-Advised Funds Donor-advised funds (DAFs) have recently become a more lucrative option for taxpayers. DAFs allow taxpayers to place assets into a fund and receive deductions on the donations made from that fund within that year. This won’t benefit your 2020 tax returns, but there will be some benefits should the
Prior to 2015, those who wanted to donate part of their retirement account to charity were taxed on the donation, but the law now allows those with an IRA to transfer up to $100,000 annually from it to a charity. It can also count toward the minimum required distribution for the year. Once again, a reputable expert can guide you through the limitations of this option. At the Sheppard Law Firm, our team of estate, financial, and real estate professionals can help you determine the best way to set up a legacy of giving this year. Learn more by calling our office at (239) 265-9779 before the year is over.
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