purpose matters more than what the scoreboard says.
CARING SHOWS YOU’RE PASSIONATE Support and love them through their loss, and bolster them with this thought: They’re upset because they care, and caring shows that what they’re doing matters to them. It’s a beautiful thing to find hobbies that you are passionate about, because “Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion,” according to Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel. Their emotion highlights that they are locked in, committed, and willing to invest well in something that feels important. BUT LIFE IS BIGGER THAN YOUR GAME Life consists of more than the games or competitions your kid loses. I wouldn’t suggest leading with that line after hearing the final score, but a gentle reminder might be in order if they get too caught up in their feelings. Instead of letting this lesson prove disheartening, use it to encourage and excite them. Brené Brown states, “We need more people who are willing to demonstrate what it looks like to risk and endure failure, disappointment, and regret. People willing to feel their own hurt instead of working it out on other people. People willing to own their stories, live their values, and keep showing up.” It is so freeing when you realize life is bigger than you—and in this case, bigger than your kid’s loss. Find ways to lovingly get them out of their heads and demonstrate that the world is too wonderful and big to stay stuck in the rut of losing. HOW LOSING IS ACTUALLY A WIN Losing is valuable for kids because it can develop their character, emotional intelligence, and self-awareness. It shows them they can survive disappointment (though they may not believe you at first), and even thrive because of it. However, learning these lessons does not always come naturally—they need you, a caring hand, to guide them and point out the benefits and takeaways from losing. Find ways to meet them in their grief, love them where they are, and then help them process and grow. (Warning: This is not for the faint of heart, especially if they’re teenagers. Bribes such as sugary treats may be necessary to get them to open up to you.… ha!) Good luck and happy losing!
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