The Christian Home By Rev. Paul Bayles P a sto r9 Centinela B ib le Church Miawthorne9 California *20áy tyiacwt-ccfrá- Secute
B R A I L L E BOOKS, PAMPHLETS, TRACTS Evangelistic — Devotional FREE to the Blind (as the Lord provides) "That those who see not may see' Write: CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP FOR THE BLIND INTERNATIONAL, INC. Free Information How you can study the Bible BIOLA EVENING SCHOOL 558 So. Hope St., Los Angeles 17, Calif. HONG KONG is the GATEWAY to Asia used by The Bible Institute of Los Angeles, Inc. 558 South Hope Street Los Angeles 17, Calif. GOSPEL PREACHING— Emmanuel Church holding regular services in English and Chinese in the heart of the colony and the Countryside. MEDICAL M IN ISTRY — Emmanuel Clinic with two doctors and a regular staff of nurses and evangelists, treating over 1,500 monthly. PRINTED PAGE — Biola Book Room, a large evangelical book store in downtown Kowloon distributing Bibles and literature in English and Chinese. YOUTH CENTER — Recently built in the New Territories. Primary and Evening Schools for factory workers and their chil dren. Summer and winter Bible Confer ences. Charles A . Roberts, D.D., Supt. The Bible Institute of Los Angeles, Inc. Hong Kong Department 558 South Hope St., Los Angeles 17, California For complete information and gifts, please write A FOUR FOLD M IN ISTRY
S ome months ago, a fine couple in their early thirties came to my of fice and requested that I marry them. They agreed to the required hours of pre-marriage counseling. As these in terviews progressed, I discovered that there were deep resentments in the heart of the bride-to-be, amounting to hatred. She was a Christian girl and therefore ashamed of her hostility, be cause, as she observed, “ Christians are supposed to love everybody.” In stead of looking at her problem ob jectively and then doing something about it, she “ covered it up” with an artificial sweetness and consequently suffered from abnormal guilt. Faced with the fact that I was aware of her “hidden shame” , that I was anxious to help her and would not judge her, her reluctance to discuss the problem disappeared. She was the youngest of four chil dren and the only girl of the family. Her older brothers married while young and left the responsibilty of the mother to the only daughter, my counselee. She appeared willing to assume the role of the “ faithful daugh ter” and her older brothers were quite willing that she should. She worked every day at an office and then did housework in the evening. Apparently, all was harmonious, acceptable, and happy. Twice before this engagement, she had met eligible young men who de sired to marry her. She broke both engagements — the second one, just three days before the wedding. Added to her resentment and feeling of shame, was the fear that she would break this engagement too. She was desperately unhappy. What was her conflict? It partly included the misguided feeling that she could not accept the dual role of daughter and wife. She felt that if she left her mother alone and married the young man she loved, it would prove that she was “ no good” , un worthy of a husband, and incapable of wifely love and devotion. As long as she stayed with her mother, she felt capable of being a good wife, even though she would never become one. Her exaggerated guilt over thoughts of leaving her mother were intensified by the reproachful brothers, who feared that perhaps they
might have to share some of the responsibility in their already estab lished homes. Counseling enabled her to face the problem in the light of truth and confidence, rather than in the dark, mysterious shadows of fear, guilt, and resentment. She d i s c o v e r e d that the Bible teaches at least three things about this problem: that young children are to “ obey” their parents; that mature children are to “honor” their parents all the days of their lives; that mature children in love with their affianced have God’s favor and blessing in “leav ing” parents and “ cleaving” unto the beloved. She realized that there was no spiritual or moral conflict between being a wife first and a daughter second. She accepted the fact that her fear and guilt came from hiding her feelings from herself and from God, instead of facing them and asking God to show her His will. Medical attention showed that there was nothing ailing the mother — that she was quite able to live her life and would be much happier with some freedom and independence. The wed ding proceeded on schedule, and the couple is making satisfactory progress in their marriage relationship. They are continually discovering ways of “ honoring” each other’s parents with out forgetting that the were perfectly justified in “ leaving” them for each other. In a study of over 500 married couples, only 18% of those who had fair or poor relationships with their in-laws judged themselves to be very happy. Couples with excellent in-law relationships thought that they were very happy in 67% of the cases. All these couples were in the early years of their marriages and they all gave in-law relationships the first place on their list of difficult areas of marital adjustment. Persons about to marry must realize that their own parents and the pros pective in-laws need not be a menace to a happy marriage. They can be, and usually are, a great asset to the marriage. If a couple will accept parents and in-laws, thoughtfully “ let them in” on some of the plans, ask for their counsel and objectively weigh it, and treat them with “ honor” , a wonderful relationship can develop.
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THE KING'S BUSINESS
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