Nancy’s Story
Alec was born and brought up in the bottom end of Stevenston, and he was very proud of it. He was one of 12 children, two of whom died just after birth, so he grew up as one of 10. It was quite a household. He worked locally at a grocer’s shop, starting as the wee message boy with his bike, and this was where he met his first wife, Margaret. They got married and had their two boys, Jim and Alex. Alec went on to have many jobs, but he was primarily a joiner.
Alec was a long-time member of Moorpark Golf Club, starting off as an ordinary member, then secretary, vice-captain, and eventually club captain. He and I loved going on holidays and playing golf. I had an aunt and uncle in Florida who were also golfers, and we’d go over there for holidays. One time, Alec said, “right Nancy, you’re having a go,” and if I didn’t like it, I could drive the buggy. But I stuck with it for 18 holes and never lost a ball – because I couldn’t hit far enough! So that introduced me to golf, and we would often go down to play at Auchenharvie. I even got a hole-in-one! Alec, in all his years of playing, had never had one, and I liked to remind him of that every so often! He did get me a trophy for it, though. We also loved going to Madeira; it became our home from home. .................... We met in 1998, married in 1999 and were only a couple of months away from our 25th Wedding anniversary on the 21st of May when he died. I think if you were to ask anyone who knew Alec, they’d tell you he was a lovable rogue and a one-off. Alec lived with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) for a number of years. Then, in August 2023 he was diagnosed with probable lung cancer, and we were told it would be palliative care. It was just a body blow for all of us because my understanding of palliative care at the time was that it meant the end. I didn’t realise
all the support that was available. A staff member at Crosshouse put us in touch with social work, the Ayrshire Hospice, and various welfare services. Within a week, we had heard from all of them, and that made us feel much more supported. From then on, Stacey, a Specialist Palliative Care Nurse, became our family’s point of contact with the Hospice. She would phone or visit to see what was needed, listen to what was wrong, and was absolutely excellent. For Alec, it was all about trying to get his pain under control, although it was never fully successful I would say, it did get better. .................... In early 2024, it reached the point where Stacey suggested Alec come into the Ayrshire Hospice In-Patient Unit (IPU) to evaluate his medicines and try to improve his pain and symptom control. Before this, I’d thought that going into the hospice meant the end. But Stacey always explained everything to us, so when she said Alec would be in for about two weeks, I believed her. Over time, our relationship with Stacey grew, and we trusted her completely. When Alec was in the IPU, the medical team discovered it was his calcium levels causing his discomfort, and they managed to fix that quickly. He started to feel better and immediately wanted to come home. Every time I saw him, he’d say, “I’m coming home
with you.” His desire to be at home never wavered. He did come home after two weeks, and that’s when the Ayrshire Hospice’s Respite and Response team provided support whilst we awaited a package of care - and they were wonderful. They knew exactly what they were dealing with, and that made all the difference. .................... He used to take the mick out of Stacey. He wound everybody up, that was just Alec. He once told Yvonne from the Respite and Response team that she had a big backside – poor Yvonne, only Alec could get away with that! We only had one day of respite, but it was a great experience. Yvonne and Alec spent an afternoon in the garden together. When I came back, Yvonne said they’d learned so much about each other and had “put the world to rights.” That day, I remember asking Yvonne how long I had, and she said, “Until four o’clock,” and it was only 1pm. I thought, “Wow, three hours!” So, my friend and I went out. I don’t even remember what we did, but it was a huge relief to have that time away, knowing someone else was there for Alec. You do your best to care for them, but it’s constant. Everyone else can come and go, but you’re there through the night, still doing everything. It’s 24/7. So, having a break for a few hours really lifted the weight of responsibility.
Alec also received reflexology and complementary therapy from the Ayrshire Hospice team. He loved having therapy to his hands and especially liked the reflexology on his feet. If his chest was hurting, they’d work on his feet, and he’d say he could feel the difference. I still can’t quite work out how it worked, but Alec swore it helped. .................... If you haven’t had direct experience with the Ayrshire Hospice, you don’t realise all the services they offer. But once you’ve been there, you see how caring the community is. You could come home at night knowing that Alec was as comfortable as he could be, and that gave me peace of mind. It allowed me to switch off for a while. .................... There’s such a difference between what you think hospice care is at first and what it actually offers. You think it’s just the end, but what you find is compassion, support, and new pathways when you’re feeling lost. It’s hard to put into words how much that meant to us. We never made it on that final holiday Alec wanted to go on, but in the end, what he really wanted was for the pain to ease - and with the Ayrshire Hospice’s help, we managed to improve that.
Alec’s story isn’t unique. There are so many families like ours across Ayrshire and Arran, facing the uncertainty and heartache of a loved one’s final months. The Ayrshire Hospice was there for us every step of the way, providing care, comfort, and moments of peace when we needed them most.
November 2024 | EDITION 38
12
13
Made with FlippingBook interactive PDF creator