by Paul Bayles, Pastor, Christ Community Church Canoga Park, Calif.
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T o t h e simple statement, “Mutual interests are more important in marriage than physical attraction,’’ most Christians readily agree. Wheth er this unanimity among us is mere lip service to an ideal, or realistic appreciation of an important principle, we cannot know. Probably some agree to the state ment because, somehow, it just sounds right. Others may agree because it seems spiritual to disparage anything that is physical. Some of us may agree because life, circumstances, or age have taken their inevitable toll and our physical appearance has already lost its appeal. We should realize that the state ment presented is not an either or proposition. The idea of mutual inter ests as opposed to physical attraction is too extreme. It has the flavor of arti ficial piosity. Physical attraction is a gift of God and is not to be disparaged. Attractiveness should be regarded as one of several interests mutual in marriage. Admittedly, physical attractiveness is often the basis for a romantic-type love that leads couples to the marriage altar totally unprepared or equipped for a happy and useful life together. It is also true that the average Ameri can Christian places disproportionate emphasis, in terms of time and money spent, on physical culture to the neg lect of spiritual, moral, and intellec tual development. This disproportionate concern about physical appearance creates an uneasi ness within us. We tend to develop partial attitudes and pious phrases that downgrade the human body, sex, and physical appearance. These par tial attitudes seldom make us really reapportion our emphasis to include the things of the spirit. Instead, we atone for this uneasiness by becoming sexually frigid, artificially pious, or full of idealistic words that actually mean nothing. The answer to the problem of placing balanced emphasis upon the physical and spiritual areas of Christian living hardly seems un realistically to deny and to belittle normal appreciation for physical ap pearance. This is negative. A true ap preciation for the Person of the Lord Jesus Christ and His work of redemp tion for the whole person of man, is much more constructive and whole some. A realization that the'resurrec
tion of our Lord was the re-uniting of His body and soul, and that it is the promise of our bodily resurrection, that will help us to understand the appreciation God has for man’s whole self. God created man, body and soul. Salvation includes the redemption of both. Someday, in spite of all the prob lems involved, our bodies will be re assembled for resurrection, made per fect and glorious, but with actual identity to our present being. The bodiless state of the believer in heaven is temporary and God will not be sat isfied until the whole believer is to gether in His presence. This is part of what the Easter message guarantees to us. A more realistic acceptance of our whole selves, giving balanced appre ciation to both body and soul, can help the total picture of marriage. Physical appearance and sexual expressions be come one of many interests that are mutual and proper. Unhealthy atti tudes toward sex in marriage will diminish, and God’s good gifts to us can be accepted gratefully. Physical attractiveness will inevit ably decrease in importance. When the marriage is rich in spiritual, in tellectual, charitable, social, and rec reational interests, married life can increase in joy and productivity. It should be realized, also, that not all adult interests need to be mutual. It is essential that husbands and wives recognize that they are still individ uals. Becoming “ one flesh” does not mean total abandonment of self to the other, or annihilation of self for the other. Mutual interests, are necessary, but to maintain these interests and keep them alive, individuality must be kept alive also. Two self-effacing personalities, devoid of enthusiastic individuality, can offer nothing dy namic to the marriage relationship. Mutual interests in marriage must include physical attraction, but they are not limited to this romantic em phasis. Christian couples need not feel compelled of God to disparage the value of personal and sexual appeal as being “ carnal,” but may accept it as a gift of God to be properly used. Life interests need not always be mutual in the sense of active participation. Appreciation for the interests of the partner is part of maturity and, in this sense, all interests may be shared.
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