and again, but no body. Exhausted, he threw himself on the bank, when he heard a sound. There was his boy hid ing behind a tree. ‘Why did you throw that cap into the falls?’ ‘I just wanted to see what would happen.’ ‘That,’ said the stepfather, ‘is what you will find out right now.’ And then he spanked him as most boys have not been spanked. As they drove back home, hot little fingers clutched the father’s hand, and a choking sound came to break the silence, “I 'I ’m awfully sorry . . . but I thought you didn’t care about me at all. You never made me do anything, or licked me, like other fathers do — I wanted to see if you cared enough even to try to save me.’ ” “The Lord disciplines him whom He loves” (Heb. 12:6). Do we, as earthly parents, give our children ample evidence that we really care, are really concerned? Will our children be able to join in the grateful refrain of the writer to the Hebrews: “We have had earthly fa thers [and mothers] to discipline us, and we respected them [for it] ”? (Heb. 12:9 RSV) "Let's Talk It Over" 1. Let’s look at Heb. 12:5-12. Can you list some important comparisons which earthly parents and children may draw from this account of the heavenly Father’s deal ings with His children? 2. Rate the following factors in the order of their im portance toward building a wholesome climate for good discipline in the home: .....A strong family loyalty ...... A clear understand ing of the child ..... A Christian home ..... impar tiality .....emphasizing the positive ...... self-control 3. What harm to the child may result from over-permis siveness on part of the parents? Physically, intellec tually, socially, emotionally, spiritually. 4. What are the dangers connected with undue strictness? 5. How would you react to these reasons for discipline? “I want my child to obey, with no questions asked, because I am his father.” “My advice is, ‘Break your child’s will early, or he will break yours.’ ” “My mother used to give me some good whippings, and my child will fare no better.” 6. A check list for good discipline (check and discuss): ..... We build our home around Jesus and good family routines. ..... Our primary purpose in disciplining is the Chris tian growth of the child. ..... We take differences between children into account when disciplining. ..... When we must forbid things we do so consistently. ..... We are careful to explain the why of our punish ments. ..... We make it a point to be firm but never disagree able, unloving, or rejecting the child. ..... We commend good behavior as well as correct bad behavior. ..... Our discipline is a directing rather than a con trolling measure. ..... Our discipline is motivated by love and concern for the child. ..... We aim to lead our children through parental control to self-control which is voluntary submis sion to God’s control. ..... We are training our children to be responsible Christian members of society.
mannered, irresponsible, and generally unpopular. We live in a world of “give” as well as “take,” and unless the child from early days has been taught to respond to the needs of others, it will be difficult for him to make the contribution to his society which God intends he should. Spiritual dangers in over-indulgence are the most serious. When King David anxiously inquired, “Is the young man safe?” he was, no doubt, immediately con cerned about the physical safety of his son Absolom. But the query of this over-indulgent father betrays a far more intense overtone of apprehension for the spiritual welfare of his boy. God has established definite rules of conduct by which ‘He expects parents and children to abide, and no home can make these a matter of choice without pro ducing an indifferent, nominal Christianity and possible ultimate spiritual shipwreck in the family. Undue Strictness Is Also Harmful There are parents who go to the other extreme and say no as often as possible. Their advice may come close to what Samuel Butler notes as the typical refrain of parents of his day, “Break your child’s will early, or he will break yours.” Children, indeed, need and want and expect parental discipline, but care must be exercised that it does not stunt their development, block their na tural curiosity and eagerness to learn, or impede healthy self-expression. The objective in discipline should be to help develop self-discipline. The best discipline is that which makes discipline progressively unnecessary. As a rule, when Christian parents say no, they should help the child to understand why they say no, and then be ready to offer guidance toward improved and accept able behavior. A blind obedience will not help to correct a future course of conduct, and a belligerent or unwilling obedience is no obedience at all. Good discipline has as its purpose not merely good behavior, but Christian growth in every phase of the child’s total development. “There are two periods in the child’s life,” says Dr. Thompson, “when parents should reduce their ‘noes’ to a minimum. One is when he is from one and one-half to three years old, a time when he is developing his sense of selfhood.” Educators refer to this stage as the “negativis- tic period,” because the child is constantly opposing everything we propose, and, Dr. Thompson suggests, that “this is the time when we should walk softly.” The other period he mentions is the early teen-years, 13 to 15, when “in a new way [the child] is conscious of himself as a person . . . and it is wiser to request than command, to suggest than demand.” “Even then,” he notes, “we may be in difficulty, for this is a stormy time.” Every parent knows, too, that they must be sparing and careful with their ‘noes’ when the child is tired, hungry, or sick, or when he has just had a disappointing experi ence. Children Appreciate Firm but Fair Discipline Discipline is one of the surest proofs of parental love and care. Dr. Thompson illustrates this by quoting from a story in the Saturday Evening Post entitled “The Black Pool.” I t tells of the unavailing efforts of a stepfather to win the affection of his stepson by giving him anything he wished and indulging him in every way possible. “One day they were together on a Cub Scout hike, and, as the trail brought them to a high waterfall, the man suddenly noticed that his son was not with the group. Searching, he spotted the boy’s blue cap floating in the dangerous pool at the foot of the falls. Kicking off his shoes, he wasted no time diving in. Down he went again
Other articles by Rev. Brauer may be found m CHRISTIAN PARENT HOOD, Series No. 9, Concordia Publishing House, St. Louis, Missouri. C o m i n g N e x t M o n t h . H o w t
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MAY, 1963
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