Being There for Someone Who’s Struggling Kindness That Lasts We’ve all experienced bouts of bad mood and even occasional depression. While difficult to go through, it can be equally challenging to see someone we care about hurting and not know how to help. The main thing to remember is that providing support isn’t about fixing things; it’s about showing up in meaningful ways. SKIP THE PEP TALKS AND LISTEN. For many of us, our initial instinct is to rush to lift our loved one’s spirits and help them break out of a bad mood. However, offering them space and a calm ear is often the best thing we can do. Friendly company can be comforting even if they’re not ready to talk. Just be sure they don’t feel pressure to do or say anything. This might mean bingeing a favorite TV show together or just being with one another in the same room. FOCUS ON SMALL GESTURES. Along with providing company, you can support your loved one with simple gestures — a phone call, handwritten note, or warm meal. These acts remind them that someone cares and that they are not alone. Continuing to show up for your friend even after the rest of the world has moved on can have an even greater impact. There’s no specific script to follow, but small efforts all add up and may matter more than you’ll ever know. If you have a friend or family member going through a hard time, validating their experience and being present for them can be all they need. While they may not remember what you said, they won’t forget you showed up and stayed when they needed you most.
June’s Journey From Heavy to Hopeful OPEN EYES, WIDER WORLD
Dr. Scott changed how I see the world.
I hadn’t realized how much my field of vision was affected by the droopiness until I had the surgery done. I see the world entirely differently now. I see the sky. I see the ceiling in my living room. Dr. Scott’s expertise has given me a whole new perspective on a larger, much brighter world. As a psychologist, I will add that the mental health benefits of this surgery have been an unexpected advantage. Most significantly, I dealt with lung cancer about two years ago, and people who know me look at my eyes today and say, ‘June, you look great! You look so healthy!’ After the surgery, I told Dr. Scott, “You know, I was expecting that I would look a lot younger.” He said, “Well, we could have made your eyes look much younger, but they wouldn’t have fit the rest of your face.” I thought, “That makes total sense. I don’t want the eyes of a 25-year-old and the face of a 66-year-old.” That attention to detail is another reason why I appreciate him.
For years, I struggled with droopy eyelids that obscured my vision and looked pretty horrific due to their asymmetry. I would compensate for my appearance by scrunching my forehead to lift my eyelids. Based on my mother’s experience with the same condition, I predicted my eyes would become a big problem for me in 10 years’ time. I knew I had to do something about my eyelids sooner rather than later. I asked several people for recommendations, and everybody mentioned Dr. Scott. I liked him immediately. He was personable, clear about what he saw, and open about the pros and cons of different approaches to solve my issue. Most importantly, he was warm and really seemed to enjoy his work. Dr. Scott performed my surgery last November. I was surprised by how little pain was involved in my recovery, and I took almost no painkillers. The swelling went down quickly, and there was no scarring.
I feel lucky to have worked with Dr. Scott; he has my highest recommendation.
–June Tangney
2 EyePlasticMD.com
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