Focus on sibling bonding Regardless of how you choose to in- volve your kids in caring for the baby, always point out how much the baby loves the attention of its brother(s) and sister(s). This enhances their bonding and reduces any sibling rivalry. Say things like: “Look at how she smiles for you!” (Bell) or “My, he loves it when you sing to him!” (Dr. Markham). Spend extra time with your kids Taking care of a baby is time-con- suming, and it can be hard to find any extra time to spend alone with your other kids. But to the extent possible, try to carve out a little time, even if it’s only 10-15 minutes a day, just for them. Those few minutes can do wonders in terms of reducing any sibling rivalry. “Every child needs a full tablespoon of Mommy all to herself,” as Dr. Fran Walfish, a clinical
psychologist and author of The Self- Aware Parent , puts it. Reinforce your love for them Assure your other kids that the baby hasn’t changed your feelings for them. If anything, you love and appreciate them even more now that they’re big brothers or sisters who help take care of the baby so well. You want to emphasize, as Dr. Markham explains, “all the wonderful things about who they are and how they contribute to the family.” Don’t underestimate the importance of extra cuddles and kisses for the other kids. “Even if they’re too young to fully understand,” Bell says, “They’ll appreciate the cuddles and kisses that come with this special time to bond with you.” Acknowledge their feelings Despite your best efforts to make
your other kids bond with the baby, they’re likely to experience frustra- tions that, if left unacknowledged, can lead to sibling rivalry. It’s always a good idea to acknowledge those frustrations. “Encourage older chil- dren to talk about their feelings and conflicts and assure them that they can have these feelings and still be a wonderful older brother or sister,” says Dr. Klein. If your other kids are toddlers, help them put words to their frustrations if they’re unable to do so themselves. For example, if the baby’s crying a lot and it’s interfering with your ability to take care of them, you could say: “She does cry a lot, doesn’t she?” (Bell) The point, Dr, Markham says, is to “give your child words for her feelings, because that helps her manage them rather than having to act them out.”
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