The Christian Home By Rev. Paul Bayles P a sto r, Centinela B ib le Church H aw thorn e, California
JOIN THE A.E.C.C. If you have been called to preach the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ and are in either denominational or undenominational work, you are invited to become a member of this fast growing ministerial organization. License or ordination credentials issued to members. Your inquiry invited AMERICAN EVANGELICAL CHRISTIAN CHURCHES 192 N. CLARK S.. CHICAGO 1, ILL. C h u r c h n r e s s h r i s t i a n Jf r i n t i n g You can now get cloth bound books at a price comparable to that formerly paid for paper bound. Our new idea: For accuracy — type is set by us. For economy — printing ana binding are done abroad. Write for details. Were sold in 1958 by members of Societies, Clubs, Groups, etc. They enable you to earn money for your treasury, and make friends for your organization. Samples FREE to Officials SANGAMON MILLS Established 1915 Cohoes, N.Y. CHRISTIAN PSYCHOLOGY It is a pleasure to announce a l o n g overdue ministry: Christ- centered litera ture in the field of psychology. For one y e a r you will receive each month (1) A small month- ly magaz i ne p a c k e d with helpful articles on Christian Psychology, and (2) A valu able booklet. Booklets: Self-Confidence. How to Handle Fear, Your Courtship and Marriage, Christian View of Birth Control, Adopted Children, Children With Serious Problems, Why a Psychologist Believes the Bible, Married to an Unbeliever, Tech niques of Counseling, How to Save Time, Techniques of Teaching, others. A gift of ten dollars toward Dr. Narra- more's national radio and Christian Liter ature Ministry, will make you a member, receiving these materials EACH MONTH for a year. Valuable for daily living, writ ing, speaking and counseling. Receipt for tax purposes will be sent immediately. This is a non-profit, Christian corporation. (Dr. Narramore, graduate of Columbia Univ., is a credentialed psychologist.) USE TH IS ORDER BLANK To: Dr. Clyde M. Narramore, Counsulting Psychologist, Box 206, Pasadena, Calif. Dept. KB $10.00 enclosed for membership ......... $5.00 end. today, $5.00 next month...... NAME: ............................................ ADDRESS: ........................................ t h e c n r n c H p r e s s 3900 San Fernando Road Glendale 4, California MONEY FOR YOUR TREASURY OVER 2,000,000 SUNFLOWER DISH CLOTHS
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A n a n x i o u s reader writes that his marriage relationship is being ruined because of a neurotically ill mother-in-law, who uses her ill-health as a weapon of obligation over her daughter, the reader’s wife. As a Christian, he wonders how it may be possible to “honor” her, without being destroyed by her. Since no conclusion can really be drawn from a letter, that may or may not be objective, I can only use it as an occasion for a discussion of the problem. This is by the request of our reader. There are many beautiful and wholesome relationships b e t w e e n couples and their parents. Marriage is always better off because of these relationships. There would be more of these good relationships if couples did not expect trouble. Anticipating “ in law” difficulty puts everyone on the defensive and tension mounts. The 5th Commandment, repeated in the New Testament, requires honor toward mother and father. Be lief in this commandment rightly conditions and inhibits our attitude toward parents, but its restrictions do not seem to include parents-in-law! Many times, hostility toward our own parents is repressed because of our belief in God’s law, and its constant reiteration to us. The hostility is not judged, faced, and repented of, but is shoved back into the unconscious where it is forever trying to express itself. The parents-in-law become ready made objects for resentment and ridicule, since the Bible does not say, “ Honor thy father-in-law and mother- in-law.” Venting this hate will often bring temporary relief to the husband and wife, at the expense of even the most saintly “in-law.” The very best defense against “ in law” trouble is a close relationship between the husband and wife. This ideal may not be reached, however, if the complexities of the problem are not understood with the aid of com petent counseling. A few of these complexities are described in the fol lowing paragraphs. Some wives are jealously posses sive to the degree that they cannot tolerate a good relationship between their husbands and mothers-in-law. This is sometimes true, even whfen the
relationship takes nothing real away from them. There are mothers-in-law who re ject sons and their wives, but who become the fond grandmothers, dot ing upon and spoiling the grand children. By doing this, the grand mother attempts to prove that it is not she, but the young parents who are bad, thereby gaining some relief from her guilt. Then there is the man-hating mother-in-law. She becomes extreme ly fond of her son’s wife. She suggests that her son be devoted and generous, sparing no sacrifice to please the wife. The wife allies herself with this “ understanding” woman and together they defeat and destroy the hated male, by making him their tool. This is equally true when the male is the son-in-law. Some mothers-in-law are jealous of their son’s successes. They had moth ered their sons as though making a personal financial investment for the future and not out of real love. Her covetous envy of the gains of the daughter - in - law, which gains she feels should be returning to her, can make her successful m breaking up the marriage. These few, well known facets to the problem, will suffice to illustrate the fact that there are no simple an swers to hand out to people. Advice is too cheap and free'— and plentiful. They will also demonstrate the beauty and the practicality of the Biblical ideal, expressed in Genesis 2:24 and Exodus 20:12. “ For this rea son a man shall leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife and they shall become one flesh. . . .” “ Honor your father and your mother, so that your life may be lengthened in the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” (Berkeley Version) If parents want the “ honor” that is rightly theirs, they must obey God’s plan, too, and give tender approval as their now adult married sons and daughters face life together and alone. The refusal to accept the adulthood of the young couple is often a neurotic trend in the parent and not a case of superior insight. (N ext month, a case in point, used by permission and with details dis guised, w ill illustrate how this prin ciple works.)
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