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Dispatches from the Highlands
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Christmas: Day 13
THE DAYS OF CHRISTEMBER (Olde Dec 15-Jan 15)
Chrismacus Festivies: Holy week of prepration before the month of Christember, origin of name unknown. Christember Birthdays: e merriest of of unbirthdays! By changing yours and your friends' birthdates to this month makes for constant celebration and heavy smaking - which is, a er all, the whole point of Christember. For example, Can- napages’ birthday is Christember 28th, or olde January 11. (1) Christember First: To best enjoy the First day of the Best Month Ever Invented (pending Congressional Recognition), you will have made all the proper preparations during the Festivies and stockpiled enough food and grass for two or three large yeti. (3) Day of Friends: Spend the day smaking with your friends and head to your favorite glass shops to buy new smakeware for each other to give out on their respective Christember Birthdays (see Christember Birthdays). (6) Saint Nickeljoint Day: Help Nickeljoint load his dab bus, to deliver gi s to all good Cadets. You must help, or he will never get on the road. (10) 8:40 Fast: Begin a fast of all food and drink beginning on 8:40pm on Olde Christmas Eve, only to be broken during the next day’s feasts. (11) St'y High Trial: e Cadets goal here is to stay high all day from sun-up til sundown - this could get precarious on this particular day.
(14) St. Stephopolas Day: Traditionally elebrated at Canndy Cane Mountain in the Highlands, this is the patron saint of smoking in front of people who don’t approve of getting high. Legend has it the term “step o ” has direct origins to this saint. (17) Seventeeve: On this day it is important to turn over a new leaf, or get back to your roots—whatever the reason, it’s time to make a resolution. And during Christember, you can only make one resolution, which is to smake more of the sweet ganj. (18) Christemberence: Find and smake up the person who rst shared with you the joys of Christember, as a thank-you. (22) Sir Satchelkins Day: Also traditionally celebrated at Canndy Cane Mountain outside of CannaTown, this day commemorates the person who saved the rst ever Cannamas. Refering to your bag of weed as a “Satchel” im- mortalizes this patron saint. (25) Cannamas Day: Just in the nick of time, St. Nickeljoint nally makes it into CannaTown with his presents - enjoy music and food while he rells on gas and power-naps. en nugs for good cadets, resin and stems for bad. (30, 31, 32) Days of Feasts: ree solid days of feasting is the only real way to bring Christember to an appropriate end.
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