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Dispatches from the Highlands
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CannaTown News
FLOOFIE RAZES NEIGHBORHOOD
e Highest Authority Since 2009
Cannapages is a JohnsonConcept Company Published by
Nathan Johnson Micah Johnson Isaac Johnson Sales Director Dillon Rice Production Mike G. Customer Success Molly Norton Lead Developer Mike Morris Contributors Dan Henrickson Matthew A. Erickson Cover Art Justin Redmon Logo Aaron Draplin
OTHER HEADLINES CBD found in wool of wild Albanian mountain goats "It's a great discovery but extraction will be di cult." pg 150 Boeing stock downgraded a er paper airplane report pg 157 CSPAN "musical episode" reviled pg 166 Musk o ers to slap senior in face pg 171 **Brought to you by Borscht by Boris** “Opaque and lukewarm, like life.” While no one has seen Floo e for days, the evidence of her rage shows a path of destruction through the neighborhood, from decimated garages, to bucket res, soiled couches and dry projectile vomit. “ is is one of the worst years,” says Flores. “I just wish someone would stop that damn dog.” e Shwaggelberry HOA authorities are letting residents know to watch out, because Floo e is at it again. “From out of nowhere she came through our screen door this time and took down the tree,” says resident Edna Flores. “And she jumped right back into the rum punch, just like last year.” Much like winters past, this year’s rampage seems to have hit a nerve with a few tired revelers, who say they know it’s coming and have given up. Some just leave their doors un- locked. “Every time! With the presents, all chewn up, and the stockings just torn to bits, it breaks the heart,” HOA presi- dent Tate O'Brian says. Like many who spend their holidays cleaning up a er Floo e, the lines of despair are permanently etched on O'Brian’s face, no matter the festivities or mistle- toe. “She even ate our mistletoe,” he explains. “Because that’s what the cute hellspawn of a holiday nightmare does.”
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