the
WOMEN’S
Advocate
July 2021
Choice Increases as Laws and Society Change THE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE
It’s only July, but we’re heading back to school in this month’s cover. Specifically, back to high school English when many of us were assigned “The Scarlet Letter” by novelist Nathaniel Hawthorne. It’s fascinating to me that this book, first published in 1850, has endured the test of time, and its lessons have been deemed so noteworthy that it was taught when I was in high school and is still taught in high schools today. I bring it up now because Hawthorne was born on July 4, 1804, which also happens to be our nation’s birthday. There are interesting parallels between the lessons in Hawthorne’s book and what the Fourth of July celebrates: freedom. And the law has changed in meaningful ways since then, and women, in particular, enjoy more freedom of choice when it comes to both marriage and divorce. Even if you don’t remember most of the plot of “The Scarlet Letter,” you probably recall that Hester Prynne, the main character, had to wear a red “A” on her clothes because she’d committed adultery. The very visible letter carries a deep social stigma for Prynne, while her paramour remains silent on the matter. The way each character is treated brings up interesting discussions about many things, among them the idea of gender and how men and women are perceived or treated differently for the same behaviors. In Prynne’s time, adultery would have been cause for divorce. Florida has had a no-fault divorce law since 1969 (which isn’t that long ago when you think about it!), but prior to that, whoever brought the divorce had to have cause and burden of proof in court in order to be granted a divorce. Given that statistics show that almost 70% of divorces are initiated by women, you can see what a great disadvantage women had in the past as they lacked freedom of choice to leave an unhealthy marriage. Women often had to stay in marriages back then because they were also financially dependent on their husbands — fewer women were in the workforce.
I’m grateful for the social progress around these issues, even just in my lifetime. I run my own business while raising my children, and my husband certainly participates in household chores and helps with the kids more than my grandmother’s spouse did! Though we’re separated by just two generations, our lives are incredibly different. While we’re making strides toward this equality in and out of the household, studies still show that women continue to do the majority of the domestic work, even when they’re working just as much as their husbands outside the home. Those of you with kids know just how much additional work that is! Keeping the family calendar, shuttling kids to activities, packing lunches, cleaning the house, doing the laundry … all that adds up and requires time, energy, and money! For couples with kids who decide to divorce, this family work comes as no surprise to women, but for men who are parenting on their own after separating, it can be a shock. While we tend to think of gender equality as women having equal opportunities to men, it also means that men have equal time to spend with their families. Courts have moved toward giving fathers more time with their children during custody cases, and sometimes that’s quite the wake-up call! In the end, I think we should be as free to divorce as we are to choose who and when we marry. As our society has evolved, so has our legal system, and we are freer than ever to make those choices for ourselves. While those external barriers have largely been removed, we do still have to contend with our own mental barriers and limitations. I want everyone to be free to make the best choice for themselves and their families, and that’s what we strive to do every day here at Florida Women’s Law Group.
2018 Jacksonville Business Journal Fast 50 2018 Florida Super Lawyers list
FloridaWomensLawGroup.com
904-549-6553
8771 Perimeter Park Blvd. Unit B-2 Jacksonville, FL 32216
–Heather Qu ick
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Cartoons on their own aren’t bad for kids. In fact, enjoying them in moderation can have myriad benefits for a child’s development. They can bring laughter and relieve stress, engage a child’s imagination, help them develop their language skills, and teach them about topics ranging from mathematics to social skills. The best cartoons can be bright, colorful, funny stories that help children learn and grow. That said, though, not all cartoons are for kids, nor do they teach good lessons. Many cartoon characters encourage violence and speaking rudely to teachers and other authority figures. Additionally, with adult animation becoming more popular in recent years, many of the cartoons available on TV, streaming services, and YouTube are explicitly not for children.
Are the Cartoons Your Kids Watch Actually Made for Kids?
So, how can parents make sure the cartoons their kids are watching are safe, wholesome, and educational?
In recent years, as YouTube has continued to amass countless hours of video content — much of it geared toward children — they’ve developed YouTube Kids, their streaming site for children under the age of 13. This site isn’t airtight, however, and disturbing content can sometimes slip through the cracks. Parents might also find value in sticking to certain channels or streaming services, such as PBS Kids, Nick Jr., or Disney+. There are also organizations like the Parents and Television Media Council, whose website, ParentsTV.org, can help parents determine which cartoons are okay for their kids to watch. Ultimately, the best way to ensure cartoons are safe is to watch with your kids. After all, this turns a solitary activity into one where parents can learn, laugh, and bond with their children.
With the many streaming platforms out there, kids have access to a more diverse array of content than ever before. That being said, parents need to be extra vigilant about which shows and videos are captivating their children’s attention, particularly when it comes to cartoons.
APPS TO EASE CO-PARENTING CONFLICT Co-parenting is not just about logistics. It can also be very emotional, and that’s especially true when you are co-parenting with a narcissist who thrives on pushing your buttons or breaking the rules of your
• Smart profiles that store repeating events, medication, important contact information, and more
co-parenting agreement. For clients who find themselves in this situation, we recommend using a co-parenting app. These apps are specifically designed to exchange messages, track expenses, keep a calendar, and more with the least amount of direct interaction with your ex. While many co-parenting apps are available, here are a few we recommend for individuals experiencing conf lict while co-parenting and why we like them:
• Talking Parents — TalkingParents.com
• Features help increase accountability to agreed-upon scheduling or track deviations • Includes shared calendar, documents, and messaging, which is all stored in the cloud so it cannot be altered or lost if needed to use in court • 2houses — 2houses.com • Shared calendar, simple financial management feature, secure messaging that cannot be deleted • Share albums and a family journal with other family members you invite to the platform • coParenter — coParenter.com/courtcall • Developed by a judge to integrate remote court services for co-parents • Tools to track and manage communication and co-parent activity
• Our Family Wizard — OurFamilyWizard.com
• Saves messages exchanged, which can be used in court • Includes calendar, expense tracker, message board, and personal notes section • App features a “tone meter” that f lags emotionally charged language • Custody X Change — CustodyXChange.com • Developed by legal professionals to help parents stick to court- ordered custody plans (and to track any deviations) • Includes calendar, time-stamped journal entries, printable reports (which can be used in court), and expense tracker • Parentship — Parentship.co • Digital document folder with photo capture technology to store health insurance information, medical information, etc.
For more great tips like this, follow our Facebook page at Facebook.com/4womenlaw
2 Florida Women’s Law Group | 904-549-6553
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“Don’t be afraid. Be focused . Be determined . Be hopeful. Be empowered .”
–Michelle Obama
2 WAYS THE BILL ANDMELINDA GATES DIVORCE IS RELATABLE And One Thing We Can All Learn From the Couple
Any time a celebrity couple announces their divorce, it reminds us that, despite fame and fortune, famous folks often face the same challenges the rest of us do. That’s even true for philanthropic powerhouse couple Melinda and Bill Gates, who recently said they plan to end their 27-year marriage. While they have a $130 billion empire at stake, their divorce also highlights some of the most common trends we’re seeing right now. The Gray Divorce: While the divorce rate for most couples has been decreasing in recent years, there’s one notable exception. Couples over the age of 50 — such as Bill and Melinda — are divorcing in higher numbers than their parents’ generation did. Couples who raise children together and then become empty nesters often end up reevaluating their relationship as they think about what they want out of life in the next 30–40 years. So it’s less surprising that Bill and Melinda are calling it quits just after their youngest daughter graduated high school. The COVID Effect: Though the Gates family has many privileges, that didn’t make them immune from the effects of COVID or the pandemic lockdowns. Prior to the pandemic, they traveled often for their business and philanthropic work, but as things began to shut
down last spring, they — like every couple — found themselves spending a lot more time together at home. All this togetherness shined a light on existing challenges for many couples, not to mention the ways COVID exacerbated many of these challenges for families.
Another way Bill and Melinda are like us? It’s been reported that they didn’t have a prenuptial agreement, which is the norm for 90%–95% of American
couples. However, the couple is reportedly using a separation agreement, which provides an opportunity for us all to learn about this document. A separation agreement outlines the terms of
child custody and support, parental responsibilities, spousal support, and how property, debts and other items will be divided. If you’ve decided to legally separate and/or divorce and want an amicable and timely way to address these issues, Florida Women’s Law Group can help you draw up a separation agreement. Call 904-241-0012 or visit FloridaWomensLawGroup.com to f ind out more.
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8771 Perimeter Park Blvd. Unit B-2 Jacksonville, FL 32216
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Inside
The Freedom to Choose
Are Your Children’s Favorite Cartoons Actually for Kids?
Apps to Ease Co-Parenting Conflict
How the Gates’ Divorce Is More Relatable Than You Might Think
Is ‘Hammocking’ a Better Way to Sleep?
IS ‘HAMMOCKING’ A BETTERWAY TO SLEEP?
PRESSURE POINT RELIEF
Hammocking has become a popular leisure activity within the last 5–10 years, with the global hammock market growing about 17% between 2017 and 2021. As fun as it is, though, could hammocking be more than that? Could it be a better way to sleep, not just on camping trips or in the park, but in our homes, too? The short answer is that the data is inconclusive. More studies need to be done on the health benefits of sleeping in hammocks, and the studies that do exist lack sufficient sample sizes for meaningful conclusions. With that massive caveat out of the way, however, here are a few potential benefits of sleeping in a hammock.
A good mattress can reduce pressure on the shoulders, back, and butt, while a bad mattress can do the opposite. Some hammock advocates claim that a hammock’s more f lexible surface means pressure is spread more equally across all parts of the body. However, this benefit is purely theoretical and more study is needed to confirm the hypothesis.
DEEPER SLEEP
According to a study from 2011 where 12 men took two 45-minute naps — one in a regular bed and one in a swinging bed — results showed the men fell asleep faster in the swinging bed and that they had a longer light sleep before they entered a deep sleep. However, because the size of this study was so small, its conclusions need more verification. Until more data emerges to confirm what so many hammock enthusiasts already claim to know, you can still rest knowing that hammocking isn’t harmful; in fact, it’s really relaxing and fun.
PROTECTION FROM BUGS
This benefit really only matters if you’re sleeping outdoors (though, in theory, sleeping in a hammock could mean a decreased risk of dust mites). If you sleep on the ground, bugs will have easier access to you. Flying insects can still bother hammockers, but a good bug net for your hammock can fix that problem.
4 Florida Women’s Law Group | 904-549-6553
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