HEALTH & WELLNESS
HELP! I’M OLD! Resisting Your Children’s Help, Getting Your Parents to Accept It BY KEN KIRSH
Ken’s old man, Bernie, seen here blowing out 93 candles, credits his longevity to puzzles and martinis. His resistance to help is another matter. Photo Credit: Ken Kirsh
Y ou’ve done everything you possibly can for your kids. Not just in raising them and being supportive in adulthood, you even have a living will. Big deal. So does everyone else. At least they should. Want to make it easy for your kids when you’re older but don’t want to ask for help? Get over it. They want to help you. Moreover, you need it. Pride goeth before the fall. Literally. Here’s the reality. You’re more of a burden when you try to avoid being one. They say the first 80 years are like quarters in a game and anything past that is overtime. These days people are living much longer. That can mean living longer in good health or a longer decline. But age is less relevant. It’s really your health we’re talking about. You can be 92 without a single prescription or 72 with nothing but aches, pains, and doctors’ appointments. Here are three of the most common lines of resistance offered by seniors. You can decide if it’s you or not. It’s you. Ask yourself if you’re guilty of saying any of these in any form. • I toured that assisted living place and it’s all old people. • I don’t need a cane or walker. The reason I fell was I slipped. • Why get a life alert when I’m already paying for the phone I keep in the kitchen? Sound familiar or are you in denial? If it’s not you, it will be. Or one of your parents. If that’s the case and you’re reading this from the perspective of son or daughter, I’m going to offer you the single best question you can ask an aging parent who’s resisting your ideas and support.
These seven words get right to the heart of the matter while harnessing and conveying maximum guilt and focus. In fact, this question is so irreducibly worded and effective, you should write it down: "Is this what you want for me?" That’s it. But if you really want to get through to them, flip the switch in their head, there’s one thing you have to do after you ask it: Nothing. You must say nothing, do nothing. Just look directly at them and shut up. Sheket! You can tilt your head slightly for dramatic effect and to express concern but don’t make a sound. Silence is key to the emotional subtext sinking in. From baby to bubbe, the terrible twos aren’t so different from the terrible ninety-twos. Look. Aging isn’t new. It’s just new to you. Whether it’s your parent or you who is navigating what lies ahead, it’s the cycle of life, from zygote to senescence. And while medical and other forms of support are critical, there’s none more powerful or cost- effective than companionship. Sometimes that’s all we seek or need to provide. If you’re a parent, act like one. At least for as long as you’re coherent and able. Be a role model to the end. Accept help. Make smart choices. Be kind to yourself and others. Do what makes sense rather than adding risk by attempting to avoid it. Years ago, when they were kids, you told them countless times, “It’s for your own good.” Now it’s for yours.
About the Author: KEN KIRSH writes on a variety of topics and is author of Crush It At Work , a new book that turns self-help on its head, featuring 50 soft skill strategies that make or break careers. Visit CrushItBooks.com to see what the buzz is about and why it makes a great gift.
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MARCH 2026 | JEWISH LIVING DELAWARE | ShalomDelaware.org
ShalomDelaware.org | JEWISH LIVING DELAWARE | MARCH 2026
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