Skilled negotiators give value to get value. It’s more like a bartering system: trading items of value, not conceding value.
If you’ve read any of my posts, you know that I don’t feel this way, but you might be working with people or have people in your life who do. Heck, you might feel this way! Regardless, here’s my view regarding each response. Winning: Negotiation is not about winning or losing. It’s about creating the best possible outcome that everyone can support. The worst thing you could do is put together
“No”: Negotiating isn’t about “no.” It’s about “yes.” There’s no power in “no.” If there were, then parents would have to say “no” to their children only once. However, there’s lots of power in “yes.” I think this is one of the most fun parts of negotiating: finding ways I can say “yes” to the
other side in a manner that’s acceptable to me (i.e., giving them what they want on my terms). When you can be the “yes” person, you can make a lot of things happen. Giving In: It’s one of the easiest and fastest ways to get past a conflict, but it’s
a deal that’s so lopsided, no one will see it through, or one that’s so onerous, the other side puts all of its effort into tearing it apart instead of supporting it. Deals that aren’t supported or executed don’t have any winners at all.
Negotiating isn’t about ‘no.’ It’s about ‘yes.’
not the most effective. Many of us have done it, and we’ve dealt with the consequences. As soon as we give in, we’re expected to do so in the future. Negotiating helps manage precedent. It ensures that your generosity is not overlooked, but is duly rewarded (through trading, of course). All of this underscores, for me, the importance of knowing how to negotiate effectively. We know how poorly people do it. We know they aren’t creating value. We know they’re straining relationships. And we know they’re wasting a lot of time in the process. That’s why our mission is to transform the way the world negotiates: We can draw a straight line between how we resolve conflict in the boardroom all the way to the family room. If we’re better at negotiating in the boardroom, then we’ll be better at doing it everywhere else. That’s how we’ll transform the world.
Bullies: I agree that there are people who have only one tool in their toolbox: pounding their fists and attempting to bully. They keep doing it because it’s probably worked for them more often than not. But those people are leaving a lot of value on the table. The most successful negotiators have a broad range of tools at their disposal and can adjust their approach accordingly, without being a bully. More importantly, they operate in a manner that allows them to be true to themselves. In fact, most bullies aren’t actually negotiating — they’re just trying to impose their will. Compromise: There’s no compromise in negotiating, just trading. That’s what negotiation is about: trading things of lesser importance to you in return for things of greater importance. It’s not about compromising value and accepting less than. Quite to the contrary:
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