Just Plain Funny
A husband and wife were taking a trip from Nashville over to Memphis. The husband had terrible eyesight and could barely see. The wife could see fine but was almost stone deaf, so whenever they went anywhere they had to go as a pair. She was the eyes and he was the ears. As they filled up with gas at a full-service station the gas attendant was making small talk and he said, “Where ya’ll from?” The husband said, “Nashville.” The wife said, “What’d he say?” He said, “He just asked where we’re from.” She said, “Oh.” The attendant said, “Nice car. What kind is it?” The husband replied, “An Old’s ‘98.” The wife said, “What’d he say?” The husband responded, “He just asked what kind of a car we have.” She said, “Oh.” The attendant said, “Where ya headed?” The husband said, “Memphis.” The wife said, “What’d he say?” The husband said, ‘He just asked where we were headed.’” She said, “Oh.” Then the attendant said, “Ya know, speaking of Memphis, I knew the meanest, most cantankerous woman I ever knew who used to live in Memphis.” The wife said, “What’d he say?” The husband said, “He thinks he knows your sister!” A salesman got to thinking that he could sell a lot more Bibles if he had more sales people working for him, so he decides to run an ad in the newspaper for Bible salesmen. Three people responded. The first two were pretty normal but the third guy, he-he-he-talk-talked like this, with a real stutter. The Bible salesman said that he really appreciated the man applying but didn’t think the man was really cut out to be a Bible salesman. However, the man who stuttered kep begging to be given a chance. Reluctantly the salesman agreed to give the man a chance. He sent all three sales people out to sell Bibles door- to-door. At the end of the first day the first two sales people had sold 10-15 Bibles apiece, but the third guy who stuttered
had sold nearly 25 Bibles. The salesman said, “That’s amazing! Let’s give it onemore day.”The next day, themanwho stuttered sold nearly 30 Bibles. The Bible salesman, in total amazement, said, “That’s incredible. How are you doing it?” The man said, “Well..well..well...I...I... I..uh...uh..I go go go to to the the door and I I I ask if if they’d like like to buy buy a Bible or or if if they’d rather rather I read it to them.” Ole gets his first cell phone and Lena calls him up and says, “Ole! Ole! It just came in over da news dat der’s some idiot driving down the interstate the wrong direction near to where you are.” Ole says, “Na, na! Ders hundreds of ‘em!” There was a man in a mental institution, named George, so the story goes, who believed he was dead. No matter what anyone would say or do they could not convince him he was alive. One day a mental caseworker had an idea. He said, “Tell me, George, do dead men bleed?” George thought for a minute and said, “No, dead men don’t bleed.” The caseworker took a needle, pricked George’s finger, and squeezed. A small drop of blood appeared. George’s eyes grew big as he saw the blood and he said, “Well, what do you know. Dead men do bleed!” d
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