T wo nurses, Catholic nuns, had gone into the country to visit a patient. On the way back to town their car ran out of gas. A passing trucker noticed the two nuns stranded along the highway so he stopped and offered to help. When he learned they were out of gas he said, “I’ll gladly drain some gas from my truck and give it to you but I don’t have anything to put it in.” One of the nuns dug around in her car and came back with a bed pan. The trucker said, “Well, OK!” He drained some gas in the bed pan, and because he was in a hurry, he left. As the nuns were very carefully pouring the gas in the car a highway patrolman pulled up and saw what was going on. He said, “Ladies, I don’t think that will work, but I sure admire your faith!” This is a true story. For several years Campus Crusade For Christ would put together athletic teams of basketball players, wrestlers, etc. to travel around the world playing other teams and sharing their faith following each athletic event. One time the American basketball teamwas in Italy.They were staying in a small city and the only church in the entire town was a huge Catholic cathedral. Even though the players were not Catholic, they still wanted to attend church on Sunday, so they decided to attend this Catholic church. They arrived late and were ushered down to the very front of the church on the second row. Of course, these American basketball players, all extremely tall, stuck out like a sore thumb compared to the short Italians. To make matters worse the entire service was in either Latin or Italian and the Americans could not understand a word. The only help they got was by observing this one short Italian man on the very front row. Whenever he’d stand, they’d stand. When he sat down, they set down. One time the man stood up and they all stood up, and the congregation burst into laughter. Seeing that they were the only ones standing besides this man they all sat down very quickly. Following the service, they asked the priest, who could speak English, what had happened. He said, “We were dedicating the man’s child and I asked, ‘Would the father of the child please stand?’” The pope comes to America and is picked up by a limousine chauffeur. As the pope gets in he says, “You know, I’ve always wanted to drive one of these. Would you mind if I drive?” Of course what could the chauffeur say, so he lets the pope drive. Going down interstate the pope is not paying attention to how fast he is driving and he flies past a highway patrolman who takes out after him and pulls him over. As soon as the pope rolls down the window and the officer sees who it is he says, “Oh my gosh! Wait here.” The officer goes back to his patrol car and calls the chief of police. He says, “Chief, I’ve just made a horrible mistake. I’ve pulled over someone very important and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do.” The chief says, “Who is it? The governor?” The officer says, “No, he’s more important than the governor.” The chief says, “Well, is it the president?” The officer says, “No, he’s even more important than the president.” The chief says, “Well, who is it then?” The officer says, “I’m not sure, but the pope’s his chauffeur!” A young priest joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. They tell him that every seven years he can say two words. At the end of the first seven years they ask him if he has anything he wants to say, and he says, “Bed hard!” They say, “All right, we’ll get you a softer mattress.” Another seven years goes by and they ask him if he has anything to say, and he says, “Food bad!” They say, “All right, we’ll see if we can get you food that you like better.” Another seven years goes by, twenty-one years later, and they ask him if he has anything to say and he says, “I quit!” The old priest responds, “No wonder. You do nothing but complain.” d
Cathol ic HUMOR
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